Wednesday, February 23, 2011

reposting... been busy and fussy and messy and stuff

I wish I were gone
I wish I could write for real
I wish my friends were around
I wish they never lied to me
I wish I hadn't drown in this high tide
I wish so many things
I also wish that those many things weren't needed...
I wish I were taller
I wish I had more pleasures in life
I wish life hadn't abandoned me in the ocean
I wish the ocean were gray
I wish I could hide better my filthness
I wish I believed in supernatural forces
I wish God believed in me
I wish so many things
I also wish that those things weren't too many
I wish I were smarter
I wish I didn't disappoint that much
I wish I could find all cures
I wish my fingers tips answered faster
I wish those answers had been enough
I wish so many things
I also wish that some of those things were tangible
I wish I were Lispector

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sisters' Power, Distances, and Wedding Plans

It is hard to live far away from people you love, or people that you lived with during a section of your life, or even those that you have never met but you respect respect so much... nevertheless, they are far from where you decided to live.

I live approximately 1700 kilometers away from my parents. It's at least a two-day driving trip or a 6-hour flight because of connections, let alone delays during summer rains. It is definitely far. I've lived in five different other places and this past year was my fifth time visiting my family after returning to Brazil (hubby and I spent years abroad). So I knew that when I went back home, they would be receiving me with open arms. And they did. I was very much well received.

However, at the end of 2011, I won't be visiting my hometown. Roberto and I are finally getting married... in LAS VEGAS! YAY!

Every year I visit home, I get to have lunch and dinner with my family. We always get together at Christmas as family and when hubby and I have the money to go home during the summertime(which ALWAYS happens - thank God!), we buy Christmas gifts to everyone . Yeah, Christmas celebration takes place in summer in Brazil. My dad and mom get over-excited when they see us. Not because of the presents, I hope. (Kidding!) I love to visit home.

Roberto and I have been living together for almost 13 years. Why would we need to get married OFFICIALLY? There are lots of times when I think, "why am I doing this to myself?" you know, placing yourself so far away from it all... Living on our own in a city where you have no family is a strengthening experience, but often alienating and tremendously lonely. It's sometimes hard not to feel sorry for myself when people mention they are going out with their relatives and stuff. We are going to celebrate the craziest thing we have ever done together which is BEING TOGETHER basically by ourselves! yep.

Actually, I like the distance from my family. I enjoy this special feeling of talking to them on the phone or meeting them after months or sometimes years... and now they know that hubby and I are getting married. This is so incredible.

The distance makes us stronger. There are advantages to this life. We become extremely strong and capable. I know more about my PERSONA than I'd ever dreamed of. I found my apartment by myself. And I can install mirrors, shelves, pictures, put furniture together, and fix stuff.

The other interesting thing about living so far away from home is that our friends become paramount. And, of course, a new city is a new life. Everyone is interesting. Everywhere is interesting. Every new experience is essential. It's easier to reinvent yourself in a city where no one knows your history. But I did not leave home for this. I left home because I needed it. I am from a place where there is a very small chance of growth.

If I wanted to grow up in my hometown, it would be ALMOST impossible, of course, depending on the type of person i'd have turned to. According to my past dream career and the mess I have always been, I would have never coped living in my HOMETOWN. Since the age of 16, I've been far from my family. I've been turning a whole new person. Not everything in my life is perfect, but I'm not stressed out, or depressed, or heartsick. I AM GETTING MARRIED! That is what matters. SHIIIIT... i've got to lose wait FOR REAL now. Damn it.

Roberto and I are going to spend two weeks in California and Nevada goofing off with our students and best friends, and then we'll be back to Brazil and officialize our wedding in Sao Paulo. I'll be sad to leave my cats home, however, I'll probably be content when I step back into my downtown the middle of the unknown world however we will be carrying a Graceland Chapel marriage certificate.

Jennifer and Fernanda, my real life sisters. Miss them a great deal
Carol and I, my former sister student! Miss her too.
I love all my strong SISTERS!!!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

"Love or Hate America" chatting opera

I will post here a chat between an E-friend and "moi" about a very delicate topic: Loving or hating AMERICA. Read the whole thing and later you can argue with me what my point of view is.
10:38 AM me: hey, what's up?
Archenar: hi. nothing much, writing a bit about my friend, translating a bit, trying to see the monitor behind my cat's ass. :)
10:40 AM me: i'm supposed to pick clothes from the hanger. it's going to rain i must do the dishes put the trash out chores and chores
Archenar: i also have a long list of must-dos. pff growing up is a pain in the ass. :)
10:41 AM me: don't tell me
Archenar: how are the cats? how is the hubbie? how is the school, is everything all right?
10:43 AM me: the cats are great. Tibby is getting old and so she's more reserved. Pancho is a brat.He bit Roberto's nose yesterday so hard that he almost needed stiches
10:44 AM the school is great
we have three international trips for this year
10:45 AM how was your trip to Europe?
Archenar to me
12:15 PM me: i am going to Disney with the kids in July and to Vegas in January with the adults
12:16 PM Archenar: oh, that is so nice! the us are not the best place, but, even so, it's a lot of fun.
12:17 PM me: USA is the best place EVER
sorry to disagree
i got very disappointed in Europe
Archenar: no, it's ok. i prefer anywhere in europe.
really, why?
12:19 PM me: I'm speaking of EUROPE in general which is not the truth about GERMANY and IRELAND. In Germany, for instance,I was very well assisted and the signs, info to help tourists to get around were all PERFECT... but in the USA, everywhere I went, there were signs and instructions all around
12:20 PM I've been to NYC, CHICAGO, ATLANTA, MIAMI, I lived in SAINT PETE by the GOLF OF MEXICO... I never got lost in those places
12:21 PM Archenar: well, i went everywhere, even czeck republic, where language is fucking crazy, and i never got lost. i got by very well. and when i couldn't find anything, i would mimic and people would help me. but... i understand that europe is not for everyone. ;)
12:22 PM brb, going to smoke. write away. :D
me: I heard about Czech people being EXTREMELY polite to help tourist to get around...
I didn't go there
that's why I say.. I got disappointed with a few countries
12:23 PM but not all of them
I love AMERICA, that's all
better saying: AMERICAN PEOPLE
12:26 PM "Europe is not for everyone"... thanks for placing me in the "EVERYONE" category...
12:31 PM Archenar: i wasn't saying that. and i guess we disagree on a basic level, which is american people. and i hate them. in general. sorry if i offended you.
12:34 PM me: Why do you hate american people? One of your favorite writer is Henry Muller, right?
12:37 PM Archenar: henry miller is a different case. i love a lot of american writers, bands, whatever. but i don't like americans in general. they are very self-centered, they think you need to love their country like they do, they think you have to think they are the best and blah blah blah, when, in fact, they don't know much about the rest of the world. they introduce themselves as "oh, i'm whatever, i'm american" and expect you to be in awe. i hate the average american. like i hate a bunch of other people. there are exceptions, of course, like there are everywhere. but i positively hate self-centered people. which they are. to the max.
12:39 PM like
12:40 PM i can't bear people who make remakes of movies just because they are not in english, or remake stuff just because it's in british english. gah. grr.
me: wow, I lived there for 5 years and I did not meet any individual that think or said or react that way. Have you ever read a book called ... sorry the title is in portuguese: " O Manual do Perfeito Idiota Latino Americano"? That book illustrates exactly what I found out about dealing with people of that culture... it is amazing
12:41 PM the book is awesome
and reflects about all these misconceptions
12:43 PM Archenar: well, there are misconceptions everywhere. but i speak from what i saw and what i lived. as i said, there are exceptions everywhere, good and people everywhere. but the usa is a wonderful place to visit and to spend money in electronics. other than that, for me, pff. not worth it. but, as i said, we are different individuals and have different opinions.
i have nothing against their being rich
or having more security for everyone
12:44 PM me: it was written by Colombian, Cuban, and Peruvian writers
Archenar: i think each country has its own development and i don't envy any of the things i had there
i don't like their way of life, i didn't like the life i had there, i don't like the relationships, i don't like the way they are shallow
12:45 PM i don't like a bunch of things. that is why i don't like american people. i can bear them, talk to them, pff, i don't care. but it wouldn't be my country of choice if i could choose a place to live around the world.
12:46 PM me: They are are and live exactly the way Brazilians, Europeans, Africans, Middle Eastern, etc etc do. They are regular people.
They are people just like you
12:47 PM Archenar: well, that is your point of view. i won't argue. you see what i don't see and i see what you don't see. and you will not convince me otherwise. you lived there, i lived there. we had different experiences, met different people. just like people somewhere hate brazilians, you know. i don't agree with the american way of life, which is to say, very different from my way of life. and that is all.
12:49 PM me: where did you live? I am getting scared... I don't wanna go there.... where exactly did you live there?
Archenar: why scared? people are allowed to disagree. i lived in virginia, new jersey and massachusetts.
12:53 PM me: I am getting scared because you said YOU HATED AMERICAN PEOPLE... and I couldn't understand... and still can't how could a person hate the PEOPLE of a place... I lived in SAINT PETERSBURG, where I could find funloving, helpful, and respectful people. So I am not going to BOSTON then, but my boss was from Virginia and her entire family was so warming and caring.... life is just too confusing
12:54 PM new Jersey
i don't have anything to say
12:58 PM Archenar: i hate american people like i don't like them, don't care for them, am not impressed by them or their culture. i am not a lover of american anything, just like most people are. i don't care. it's not that i am adolph hitler. but... i guess that is your point of view and the way you see things. i mean, by the way you understand things, you were very influenced by the american culture, because, in a way or another, you take everything i said to the letter and leave no space for interpretation. right now, in your head, i have an oven in my house where i will burn all americans i find on the streets. what i said, from the beginning, is that i don't like american people. maybe the word hate was a bit too much, but, anyway. i don't like their way of life in general. just like some people don't like the french. just like i hate corinthianos in general. but that doesn't mean i don't have any friends that are corinthianos. i do have and i always tell them, hey, i hate corinthianos. because that is the way things are. i see beyond corinthians, like who they are, except for this character flaw. hahaha. but... i am not a politically correct person. i don't thread lightly on things and i think nobody should. and i don't have an oven in my house. and i am not a terrorist, not a comunist, not a stupid latin american person (like the book mentions) that loves all things that are against the usa or capitalism. it's a personal opinion. that is all.
12:59 PM but, scared, come on! that's just an opinion. like i hate olives. so, i keep away from them.
1:03 PM me: wait... you are taking things too harsh. sorry if I typed things in a wrong way or with strong words. I was going and AM GOING to celebrate this chat because we needed to find something UNCOMMON between us. I remember you said once: " WE ARE SIMILAR IN SO MANY THINGS" and now I know we are not. I love that. That's the beauty of being HUMAN BEINGS
1:04 PM I keep respecting you
Later on...
1:10 PM Archenar: i, by no means, lost my respect for you. people disagree in many aspects, and i know that. there is no problem.
1:11 PM but i don't fear not liking things or hating things and voicing it to people. as i said, i am not politically correct. i think politically correct makes people become weak and dumb.
1:12 PM so, i don't like a bunch of people, because of the stereotypes that exist. and that is the way i am. but, you liking american people and my not liking them does not diminish the image i have of you. and i hope that does not get in the way of our friendship. :)
I am not politically correct either. However, your losing the respect for me can only get in the way of the friendship we used to have. I did not mean to argue. I am so sorry that the conversation ended up that way, because I was just making my point and you took it in the wrong way... Besides all that, I also root for Corinthians. What a sad coincidence! It was really nice to have "online-met" you.
Peace out
1:10 PM Archenar: i, by no means, lost my respect for you. people disagree in many aspects, and i know that. there is no problem. 1:11 PM but i don't fear not liking things or hating things and voicing it to people. as i said, i am not politically correct. i think politically correct makes people become weak and dumb. 1:12 PM so, i don't like a bunch of people, because of the stereotypes that exist. and that is the way i am. but, you liking american people and my not liking them does not diminish the image i have of you. and i hope that does not get in the way of our friendship. :)

Laila,Are you crazy? I never said I lost the respect I had for you. Why would I? I have nothing against your opinion! Please, read the chat again. It's down there, just scroll the email.

me: sorry for last night's misunderstanding

12:54 PM Archenar: it's ok. don't worry

Friday, February 11, 2011

Lajoie's Poetry... Grand

while in Rio, Beto trained Jiu Jitsu at "Gracie Barra" gym

Showing respect... Very nice and kinda strict. I really enjoyed the environment of this place

Warming up Jiu Jitsu wrestlers. Gracie Barra was a very welcoming gym and Roberto really dug it

Push ups, babes. These guys are so foccused that I almost tried Jiu Jitsu a bit. You know... I'm lazy!

Stretching which is inevitable. I am glad to see my hubby stretching his muscles coz that is hard work

The Masters chit chatting. What are they speculating? I only know that this practice was way professional

Beto maybe broke the protocol by bowing to me. Love this guy! You have the stamina I don't get

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Reposting 2008 photos


In those photos we see that Roberto is drooling over me. Check out his T-shirt. LOL. Just teasing. I felt like reposting these old photos because somehow I've been missing my black 'emo' hair. Or maybe I've been missing those old times of short hairstyle and not having that many students to mind. It's kind of a nostalgic feeling and a mix of homesickness. I miss my home state Sao Paulo. I miss my people. Although, I love where I live. It has been 9 years that I am back in Brazil but here is not like my home place. USA was intense. I miss there too. Europe was too short. I miss Berlin and Dublin. I left my home town when I was 16. I don't even know which Brazilian accent I have now. I sound funny for local people. I sound funny for Sao Paulo people. Languages move me. Cultural differences instigate me. Wooow...I am being so prolix today. (I lurve irony so bad!) I miss my childhood friends. Where am I from? Do I sound funny to you? Well, everyone sounds funny to me anyway. I don't fit anywhere. Maybe in Mars? No, not even there. Oh man, life is so complex and simple too, ironically.

This post will be continued...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

UFC Watching event at our APARTMENT...

Roberto (hubby) and Vagner, who is our student and a friend of ours, decided to watch the final of a UFC fight together at our apartment tonight. I did my best to receive this guy, who happens to be traveling to the USA with us at the end of this year. Roberto and I focused on making him comfortable at our place which is very small, but it is a very cozy apartment. We are definitely good hosts. He even took off his sneakers... Come on? Who wears sneakers in a such small apartment on a middle class 9th floor Caxias do Sul downtown apartment? LOL And it is small as hell, believe me. His visit was extremely fun during the first UFC "fights." Bad luck that Vitor did not win. Shiiit. A three-minute combat? All three of us were truly rooting for Vitor Belfort. Liar liar... Vagner said that Anderson Silva was going to win and he did. Damn! Whatevs. The drinks and the food were off the hook anyway. And let us not mention Vagner's company... an amazing person! I am glad hubby does not like soccer. Oh, and neither do the kitties. The black one is Pancho Villa. He's one year and 4 months old. A real brat kitty, that's what he is. I love my cats.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


So, after taking English, German, French, Chinese, now it's SPANISH TIME! I have classes every Saturday afternoon. In order to practice the language, I've been seeing YouTube tutorial and cooking videos... and the vlogs too, let alone singing along songs in the language, of course. This one is from a band called ATERCIOPELADOS from Colombia and the song is called "CRUZ DE SAL".

Voy a publicar aca las palabras de la cancion para estudiar mi mas nueva lengua...

Hoy me levanto preparada
Dormí bien, soñé que volaba
Voy a hacer una cruz de sal
Pa´ asegurarme que hoy no va a llover

Que no se lleve
El río embravecido en su corriente
Todo lo que encuentre, todo lo que encuentre
Todo lo que se le pare enfrente

Hoy siento optimismo
De esos de después de una tormenta
Pero igual sigo esperando la próxima
Porque estamos en invierno, lluvias y deslizamientos

Que no se lleve
El río embravecido en su corriente
Todo lo que encuentre, todo lo que encuentre
Todo lo que se le pare enfrente

Es la madre naturaleza
La pachamama maltratada
Que se queja, que se queja, que se queja

La tierra prometida por mi raza profanada
Que se estremece de dolor
Cuando sus hijos la contaminan, la deforestan, la esterilizan, la recalientan, la industrializan

Que no se lleve…

My office is a "Horder's Shrine"

...and I am so proud of it! Ha.🎉🎉🎉