Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I've gotta finish this text...

Life is so confrontational. You can only survive if you are willing to face it. Some folks are not so into this reality. Some others are totally into it. I might be somewhere in between.

These days, I got into fights. A few days ago, I got into arguments. I am such a complicated individual. I am so weird. I am anything but the usual stuff.

I like cats. Now, I  appreciate beds that are made. I like glittered things. I love to read or write blogs.

Ok. I am more complicated than that. I don't care for "happy birthdays". However, when people don't remember my birthday, there is something... There is always always something.


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Me(h) Time

The social phobias, intrusive thoughts, tremblings, mind and speech confusions, they are all back. They were never gone. Obviously, taking me away to the beach, it wouldn't work. I am rolling up my eyes now. I rolled up my eyes pretty much during the entire trip. I got better during the stay, definitely, especially after getting sunburn... That was the only thing that matter to me. The issue here is that now I lost whatever was left from authority in my own business. And if I say there's some sort of plot being planted against me, it is going to sound psychotic anyway, either way, I am lost. I am depressed to the fullest.  Medications are not doing their jobs. I make my husband suffer along with me. At least, he has got sports and martial arts in his favor. I quit every activity of my life, except working meh! The thing is I had two episodes on  bipolarity and they were dramatic. Both episodes happened inside stores, nice stores. Maybe, my unconscious is telling me that I can't afford the things that are there... As we are having political  and economical crisis in Brazil, I have this haunting feeling that I am a loser because I can't afford stuff. I am not crazy about buying stuff to compensate lack of love, attention, or simply lack of respect from many people towards me. I just get too  frustrated  when I see that I don't have finance freedom. I live like a puppy. But puppies grow up! I must grow up too.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Back to work...

My day began late for we got sunburned so we weren't able to move our bodies properly.
But we went to work. I taught classes. I am getting a new tattoo on Wednesday...
Did you hear me? I am so getting another INK. Yay for needles and blood!!!

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Monday, January 6, 2014

Last Vacation Monday, time to reminisce?

Next week,  it will be my last vacation Monday. As I always do, I am already antecipating the end of my vacation. It seems that to be whining about how short vacations are makes me somehow believe that they are in fact  longer. How about giving up on whining for a change! Instead, how about putting my memory bank to work for me. Instead, I could reminisce about the best vacation memories ever. Let's start, then.

I was born in a small town called Presidente Venceslau, São Paulo State, Brazil. I lived there until I turned 16. Brazilian summer school vacation takes place during the months of December, January, and half of February. While American schools have Spring Breaks, in Brazil we have Winter Breaks; fifteen days off in late July. Until I turned 16, I used to spend both winter and sumer vacation in São Paulo, the capital, where my extended family lives. I would spend each vacation with my cousins, aunts, and uncles.

Staying in São Paulo, especially after my 12 years of age, I was given the chance to leave my uncle's apartment, and I started getting to know the neighbors' kids in the building. It was a 12-floor building that had some strong color on the outside, something called "terracota" color, in Brazil. I remember playing games in the basketball court located behind the building. I also remember climbing the tall walls which gated the whole community. After getting to the top, being able to see beyond the walls,  I would realize how bad* that neighborhood was.

Then, the shopping times marked their presences. My aunts and uncles loved taking me to Paulista, Iguatemi, Ibirapuera, and Morumbi Shopping Malls. Later on, Center Norte Shopping Mall was just opened. For being brand-new, it sorta became an obsession to me and to my peers. We used to go to that mall almost every day of our vacation. I had no swimming pools in São Paulo and this city has no beaches. It is near the ocean undoubtly, but it is not a coastal city. Shopping malls were the answer.

Here, at Galeria do Rock, I bought my very  first rock records by bands
such as Circle Jerks, The Cure, The Smiths, The Clash, Sepultura, Led
Zeppelin, and obviously the grunge Seatle bands in the 80's and 90's
Even after Roberto and I started dating, my vacation in São Paulo never ceased. We arranged to meet in São Paulo and the plans always worked. We used to have so much fun by exploring malls but also the underground scene of punk rockers' galleries and such, very  filthy, dark, and scary for regular people. It has escalators, and several shops door-to-door. There people could get tattoos, buy their favorite counterfeit band T-shirt or leave blank k7 tape to record a very rare album that you would never find at any other spot on Earth. This place is called Galeria do Rock. It has been years, probably since 1995 that I haven't been to this fantastic place for underground music aficionados.

*By bad, I mean that I could see only poor houses, filled with young women that could be working, but they stayed home taking care of kids, cooking and cleaning all day, and they seemed to have no other skills whatsoever. I remember them calling us names for no apparent reason, except for the fact that we were dressed better and lived better as well. I hate analysing things this way.

Friday, January 3, 2014

My Day Report, not "daily", Day.


  • I woke up at 3 in the morning with Roberto wandering around the house because he was sleepless. He was too anxious to sleep because he is getting new video game gadgets for our language school and that is why he could not sleep. I decided to help him go to sleep by turning on the TV and we both watched whatever we found interesting on TiVo.
  • In the morning, I was woken up naturally by the sound of a heavy pouring rain. It has been raining since yesterday. The temperatures dropped dramatically because in here this is how it goes: Caxias do Sul has something that I am gonna name "temperature swings". It is common to see two to three drastic temperature changes even on one day.
  • I went back to sleep after eating a grilled cheese sandwich and drank some energy smoothie Roberto made me. Yeah, that is right, an energy smoothie made me sleep again. This is to prove how powerful the anti-psychotic drugs I've been taking are.
  • Roberto went down to pbf, our school, to pick up the PS3, and bring it home. He went to the mall too and got five new games and stuff to play with... 
  • And for dinner? How about embracing the children in us and spend the rest of the evening + 13C during summer, how ironic! - eating two desserts, popcorn, and maybe a another smoothie later tonight. 
  • It is past nine pm, I must take my pills. -break from the netbook to pop in anti-psychotic and anti-depressant pills. I'm tucked in sloppy outfit... gotta go and see you all tomorrow ;)

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Letting go of old patterns of behavior

Today you may have to encounter and even oppose powerful pressures and forces exerted upon you, both from without and from within. The way you live and exert your energies will be tested today, perhaps forcing you to make radical changes in the areas of your life that you find are not working very well. The best way to use this influence is to let go of old patterns of behavior that today's events demonstrate to be invalid. Holding on to them will only make your life more difficult, and if you give them up, you will have room for the positive creative changes that can take place now. Also you may have to contend with the breakdown of machines or situations. Anything that tends not to function very smoothly will work very poorly today. It is time to straighten out the situation or fix up the mechanical problem.