Sunday, September 12, 2010

Regan ll

Here it comes a synopsis for a bestseller novel...

"Is it okay what i am about to do here? Maybe. Perhaps. Who knows? My therapist will have to know this. I am so gonna tell her. Definitely. I won't say real names, I won't say where or why, mainly because I don't know the reasons. I will simply announce here that I was a victim of a psychopath last year. I will call this person Regan. This person looks like the little girl from The Exorcist movie, hence the name. It was an obscure experience of having this type of person around.

I am so sensitive to these sort of things that next month it will be my one-year therapy anniversary. In fact, I started writing this post in April this year. So It has been one year and 6 months that I've been seeing a therapist. Therapy has been putting me back on track. I won't tell the whole story now 'cause I am afraid I might faint in front of my laptop. I am not in the mood for details today. But I'll certainly continue this story someday. It won't be pretty. I am warning you. And by blurting out about this horrible experience may help me exorcise this hideous creature off of my head, once and for all.

The day has come.

After reading this post, many will say, "Is that all? I've gone through worse." It does not matter to me that kind of comment because I am not the type of person that is used to dealing with outlaws, psychopaths, and mischievious people all the time. I deal with students. I am a teacher for God's sake. My main goal in life is to do my job in the most proprer way. Well, but then, there was a day that we received a very appealing resume of a teacher to our school. And then this person sent it again and again. It was pretty much obsessive but we did not even notice that. We definitely needed to hire a substitute for Marina, our current Spanish teacher at that time. She was leaving for Argentina (her home country) for good.

The interview was scheduled. Regan missed it. That could have been the first sign. But hubby and I are not a bit resentful so we forgave Regan. Maybe she got a flat tire or her grandmother died. Poor her. Let's try another schedule. Then there was the need for another one. Her dog may have gotten sick. Come on... Roberto and Laila must understand real life situations! Was Regan good for the job? Guess not, but we stuck to the idea. There was the interview (without my presence, of course, I was teaching) and then the teacher's written test. Regan was sent to a room to take our written test, you know, to prove what Regan knows about the language she was going to teach. She spent from three to four hours to finish a four-page test. The test was smeared with white-out but it ended up almost 100% with correct answers. Marina, our previous teacher, analised her pronunciation too and she said: "She's the one!" Marina who had been working for us for 6 years now regrets saying that and so do we.

After Regan had taken her test, I went up to the classroom to clean it up and I could not help noticing that a few kids' stamps were missing from the room. It was the place where Regan was taking the teacher's test. I could not help noticing that a few things such as books, dictionaries, imported games, flags, and many other things started disappearing after Regan began working with us. Some co-workers had personal belongings started to be missing too. She even cheated on her working hours for months. And then we received the worst news: a student was robbed in the school. Who could have done such a stupid crime inside of a small school where everybody trusts everybody? I know the answer. Only a person without feelings.

You might be thinking: "Poor lady, she is a sick cleptomanic!"

I thought of that too. But she started building twisted ideas onto people about me and hubby. She put co-workers against co-workers too. She was machiavelic. She would not show up to many classes. Regan had the habit of changing schedules without announcing the school. She used to get sick and would never bring doctor's prescriptions or statements or whatever these are called in English. At her very first class at our school, she let people sitting and waiting... I remember this day as if it were yesterday. Regan planted the evil seed in everybody's mind. She did what was in her powers and beyond. She wanted more. Regan's students started to believe they were studying in a "damned" school but their teacher Regan was a free-sin spirit. We became the crooks. We were all a bunch of nutjobs. We? Riiiight!

When it was the time to say 'good-bye' to her, then we started worrying what was about to come.

Only a person that works his or her mind through basically reasoning and total lack of feelings is able to do such horrible acts. Only psychopaths are able to trick people into their interest games. Regan is absolutely one. She was fired, thank God. But after firing her, the hell got worse and worse.

She made countless hassling and threatening calls to the school and she even called our co-workers at their homes obsessively on weekends, sometimes in the middle of the week. She deliberately crashed our secretary's car in front of our school. That time was a living hell. What for? We are about to figure that out. She even threatened my husband over the phone, twice. She said in between the lines that Roberto was going to be killed by her boyfriend. What the fuck? True, guys. What was all that for?

Hubby fainted and I had to call an ambulance. Luckly, we had the help of our students. Our students were next to Roberto during the calls which were on speaker phone and those kids got simply shocked. We (students, our lawyer, and myself) had to end up at the police station to report the evil acts of Regan on a Saturday afternoon. We had to do it again on Monday, because on the following Monday another threatening call was made by her own dad. Her dad? Yep. Now, you can see how much I hate telephones. There, at the police station, we found out that she has already been reported and accused of many times for several types of felonies. The guys at the police station said ironically that she was a "regular customer" there. Shame on her! Regan has already been in jail for theft and she has been accused of many other criminal acts that I am not able to name them here with the proper English terms.

Regan is a psychopath.

Unfortunately, there is one person like her among 25 people in the world. This number is scary. I could not believe in this rate at first, but now I am sure it is true. They are everywhere. They can be your neighbor, a co-worker, your boss, or worse, you can even marry one (my sis did... gulp)! I only know I was a victim of one of those. No. Actually, the entire school, including the staff, the students, and all the others related to our school were victims of this "animal." And there are many more out there. These individuals called sociopaths or psychopaths are unable to be cured. They don't see themselves as sick, different, incapable... It is the whole opposite. They see themselves as empowered. They lack pity, respect, gulty feelings. As matter of fact, they don't have any source of idea of what a feeling is. And we get to bump into them and sometimes we end up binding with creatures like them. How is this possible? They are charming, very intelligent and always please you with gifts. They are real life actors. And they become Devil's incarnation when they notice they are busted.

You might be asking yourselves, "Are you sure she was the responsible for those acts?" I understand we could neither catch Regan's act on camera (which we had to install because of the missing things) nor she confessed the crimes. But Regan's files we saw at the police station say for themselves. Why would we start having missing things at school after she began working with us?" And more, "Why have we never had missing things at school after she was gone?" Moreover, Regan has been arrested. Regan has been filed at the local police station many times. Other local schools that she had previously worked contacted us and shared the same stories related to this evil being. Regan lied to us by saying she was a lawyer, besides being a teacher. A teacher, she is. Hubby's sis, who IS a brilliant lawyer for a major firm in Sao Paulo, capital, told us that there is no record of her name as being a LAWYER in any Brazilian state. I rest my case.

I truly feel sorry for Regan's next victims. I hope they get educated on this topic before they become victims, because I was one when I hadn't had a clue about this type of screwed up personality. After going through this surreal situation, I started reading several books and even bought a documentary on this topic. Now, we, at our school, request our teachers to take psychological tests before they get to be hired. It is sad but now this is the new rule of our school. As a result, I acquired panic syndrome because of this event. To my luck, I got to find this nicest therapist who has been helping me recover from this "tragedy." Marina is my psychologist's name. I didn't even notice that "Marinas" have been a major help to me. Marina, the teacher and Marina, my therapist. My therapist has guided me and has been a wonderful support.

The aftermath: Even though I got panic syndrome after this episode, I haven't given up watching psychological-thrillers or horror movies. They are still my fav flicks. I did quit seeing them for a while but later on they were back on my shelves. I even bought a printed copy of "The Exorcist." Regan won't ever be forgotten. I mean Regan from the movie and the book. I like Linda Blair. On the other hand, the oooother Regan is just now deleted and exorcised: "The Power of Christ compels her!"

A: May God be with you.
B: He is among us!"

PS: Isn't this a nice piece of idea for a book? I hope I get to sell it like pie.


Regan II

Here it comes a synopsis for a bestseller novel...

"Is it okay what i am about to do here? Maybe. Perhaps. Who knows? My therapist will have to know this. I am so gonna tell her. Definitely. I won't say real names, I won't say where or why, mainly because I don't know the reasons. I will simply announce here that I was a victim of a psychopath last year. I will call this person Regan. This person looks like the little girl from The Exorcist movie, hence the name. It was an obscure experience of having this type of person around.

I am so sensitive to these sort of things that next month it will be my one-year therapy anniversary.  In fact, I started writing this post in April this year. So It has been one year and 6 months that I've been seeing a therapist. Therapy has been putting me back on track. I won't tell the whole story now 'cause I am afraid I might faint in front of my laptop. I am not in the mood for details today. But I'll certainly continue this story someday. It won't be pretty. I am warning you. And by blurting out about this horrible experience may help me exorcise this hideous creature off of my head, once and for all.

The day has come.

After reading this post, many will say, "Is that all? I've gone through worse." It does not matter to me that kind of comment because I am not the type of person that is used to dealing with outlaws, psychopaths, and mischievious people all the time. I deal with students. I am a teacher for God's sake. My main goal in life is to do my job in the most proprer way. Well, but then, there was a day that we received a very appealing resume of a teacher to our school. And then this person sent it again and again. It was pretty much obesessive but we did not even notice that. We definitely needed to hire a substitute for Marina, our current Spanish teacher at that time. She was leaving for Argentina (her home country) for good.

The interview was scheduled. Regan missed it. That could have been the first sign. But hubby and I are not a bit resentful so we forgave Regan. Maybe she got a flat tire or her grandmother died. Poor her. Let's try another schedule. Then there was the need of another one. Her dog may have gotten sick. Come on... Roberto and Laila must understand real life situations! Was Regan good for the job? Guess not, but we stuck to the idea. There was the interview (without my presence, of course, I was teaching) and then the teacher's written test. Regan was sent to a room to take our written test, you know, to prove what Regan knows about the language she was going to teach. She spent from three to four hours to finish a four-page test. The test was smeared with white-out but it ended up almost 100% with correct answers. Marina, our previous teacher, analised her pronunciation too and she said: "She's the one!" Marina who had been working for us for 6 years now regrets saying that and so do we.

After Regan had taken her test, I went up to the classroom to clean it up and I could not help noticing that a few kids' stamps were missing from the room.  It was the place where Regan was taking the teacher's test. I could not help noticing that a few things such as books, dictionaries, imported games, flags, and many other things started disappearing after Regan began working with us. Some co-workers had personal belongings started to be missing too. She even cheated on her working hours for months. And then we received the worst news: a student was robbed in the school. Who could have done such a stupid crime inside of a small school where everybody trusts everybody? I know the answer. Only a person without feelings.

You might be thinking: "Poor lady, she is a sick cleptomanic!"

I thought of that too. But she started building twisted ideas onto people about me and hubby. She put co-workers against co-workers too. She was machiavelic. She would not show up to many classes. Regan had the habit of changing schedules without announcing the school. She used to get sick and would never bring doctor's prescriptions. At her very first class, she let people sitting and waiting... I remember this day as if it were yesterday. Regan planted the evil seed in everybody's mind. She did what was in her powers and beyond. She wanted more. Regan's students started to believe they were studying in a "damned" school  but their teacher Regan was a free-sin spirit. We became the crooks. We were all a bunch of nutjobs. We? Riiiight!

When it was the time to say 'good-bye' to her, then we started worrying what was about to come.

Only a person that works his or her mind through basically reasoning and total lack of feelings is able to do such horrible acts. Only psychopaths are able to trick people into their interest games. Regan is absolutely one. She was fired, thank God. But after firing her, the hell got worse and worse.

She made countless hassling and threatening calls to the school and she even called our co-workers at their homes obsessively on weekends, sometimes in the middle of the week. She deliberately crashed our secretary's car in front of our school. That time was a living hell. What for? We are about to figure that out. She even threatened my husband over the phone, twice. She said in between the lines that Roberto was going to be killed by her boyfriend. What the fuck? True, guys. What was all that for?

Hubby fainted and I had to call an ambulance. Luckly, we had the help of our students. Our students were next to Roberto during the calls which were on speaker phone and those kids got simply shocked. We (students, our lawyer, and myself) had to end up at the police station to report the evil acts of Regan on a Saturday afternoon. We had to do it again on Monday, because on the following Monday another threatening was made over the phone from her dad. Now, you can see how much I hate telephone. There, at the police station, we found out that she has already been reported and accused many times for several types of felonies. The guys at the police station said ironically that she was a "regular customer" there. Shame on her! Regan has already been in jail for theft and she has been accused of many other criminal acts that I am not able to name them here with the proper English terms.

Regan is a psychopath.

Unfortunately, there is one person like her among 25 people in the world. The proportion is scary. I could not believe in this rate at first, but now I am sure it is true. They are everywhere. They can be your neighbor, a co-worker, your boss, or worse, you can even marry one (my sis did... gulp)! I only know I was a victim of one of those. No. Actually, the entire school, including the staff, the students, and all the others related to our school were victims of this "animal." And there are many more out there. These individuals called sociopaths or psychopaths are unable to be cured. They don't see themselves as sick, different, incapable... It is the whole opposite. They see themselves as empowered. They lack pity, respect, gulty feelings. As matter of fact, they don't have any source of idea of what a feeling is. And we get to bump into them and sometimes we end up binding with creatures like them. How is this possible? They are charming, very intelligent and always please you with gifts. They are real life actors. And they become Devil's incarnation when they notice they were busted.

You might be asking yourselves, "Are you sure she was the responsible for those acts?" I understand we could neither catch Regan's act on camera (which we had to install because of the missing things) nor she confessed the crimes. But Regan's files we saw at the police station say for themselves. Why would we start having missing things at school after she began working with us?" And more, "Why have we never had missing things at school after she was gone?" Moreover, Regan has been arrested. Regan has been filed at the local police station many times. Other local schools that she had previously worked contacted us and shared the same stories related to this evil being. Regan lied to us by saying she was a lawyer, besides being a teacher.  A teacher, she is. Hubby's sis, who IS a brilliant lawyer for a major firm in Sao Paulo, capital, told us that there is no record of her name as being a LAWYER in any Brazilian state. I rest my case.

I truly feel sorry for Regan's next victims. I hope they get educated on this topic before they become victims, because I was one when I hadn't had a clue about this type of screwed up personality. After going through this surreal situation, I started reading several books and even bought a documentary on this topic. Now, we, at our school, request our teachers to take psychological tests before they get to be hired. It is sad but now this is the new rule of our school. As a result, I acquired panic syndrome because of this event. To my luck, I got to find this nicest therapist who has been helping me recover from this "tragedy." Marina is my psychologist's name. I didn't even notice that "Marinas" have been a major help to me. Marina, the teacher and Marina, my therapist. My therapist has guided me and has been a wonderful support.

The aftermath: Even though I got panic syndrome after this episode, I haven't given up watching psychological-thrillers or horror movies. They are still my fav flicks. I did quit seeing them for a while but later on they were back on my shelves. I even bought a printed copy of "The Exorcist." Regan won't ever be forgotten. I mean Regan from the movie and the book.  I like Linda Blair. The other Regan is now exorcised: "The Power of Christ compels her!""

PS: Isn't this a nice idea for a book? I hope I get to sell it like pie.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Reposting from don't know when

What makes me think I'm special?
I am over thirty and still can crack up about it.
I am beyond bounderies within me
I am able to chew gum and yet I get words out right
I am powerful and I can prove it
I can be whoever I want to in my night and daydreams
I can meet whoever I want to as well
I am not sophisticated though
Sophistication kills any type of magic
I delete anger and do not hold grudges
I would pull the trigger but I am not so sure I'd hit the bull's eye
I am such a complicated earthling that not even I restrain me
I can spit or swallow as long as it won't poison me
I am aware of my potential of editing and putting together only the worthwhile of this life
I am an euphemism for dissection
I am barbaric in the bathroom
I gulp vodka as if it were water
I fold clothes like monkeys and humanize like any mammal could do
I copy creatively. I cry non-...
I am not a weirdo - "Believe me" - I just suffer from overcast delusions
I am pretty normal if you really get to know me inside out.

by Laila Chris

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

family

INTROSPECTION

That's how depression started.
from May 24, 2008 by Ms Burden

Well, it all started on January 29th, 1976. It was on a Thursday. I decided to leave my mother's womb at 10:30 in the morning. January is the hottest month of year in Brazil and that may explain why I loathe summer time. I lived in my hometown (a tiny little town in Sao Paulo State) until I became 16. On my 17th birthday, I had my own apartment in Sao Paulo City (rented, of course), no telephone, no microwave, a roommate to share the expenses, and more serious business to do: get prepared to pass VESTIBULAR -- a selective test to get to enroll in Brazilian colleges. I lived in Liberdade and studied at Etapa. Although I was living in Sao Paulo, I did not want to take colleges there. My ultimate dream school was UFPR - Universidade Federal do Parana. I tried Vestibular there twice. I failed there twice.

Mom found out about UEL - State University of Londrina. It's a pretty nice school in Parana State, and tuition free. All public colleges and universities in Brazil are free to attend. The only massive problem about them is that it gets way difficult to pass their selective tests because everyone wants to enroll in those kind of schools. I never wanted to study there though. I had never heard of Londrina. I knew it was far from my family's town but that was that. Roberto, my husband now and my boyfriend at that time (1993), decided to sign up for UEL and try out its vestibular. I said "Fine. Let's give it a shot!" We both passed vestibular there in 3rd place ranking in our careers. We were both 18 years of age, living far from our parents, attending a free college which meant no need to study and work at the same time coz our parents were able to afford housing and books. We lived in Londrina from 1994 to 1997, when we both graduated with wonderful GPAs. I still can't believe I did not get pregnant during that time. LOL

Four years passed by utterly fast. This is Brazil: people with no degrees have quite hard time to get jobs and people with degrees have hard time to find descent paying work which should make up for the investiment you have with college strives. Even with free colleges there are bills to pay. Roberto and I were not very lucky with our job huntings. Plus, I was so damn sure about my newest career: UNDECLARED. I majored in journalism at UEL. I have always loved writing and all. It's no wonder I have written in blogs for so long. However, being a journalist is much more than just write. Journalism deals with tragedies mostly. I know there is the entertainment, sports, or tourism focused journalism that I could have given them a try... but... I simply couldn't and still can't imagine myself spending every day writing what I am told to. Somehow, I just didn't think I was the type.

Moving out of the country seemed the best solution for my issues. There, I could go after another college degree and maybe finally get a well paying job. As my parents are both ESL teachers and they were kind enough to sponsor an entire year of abroad studies for me, they themselves suggested me The Sunshine State - Florida - in the USA. They had already taken an ESL program at Eckerd College in Saint Petersburg, FL, and they both had fallen in love with this place. Mom and dad were certain that I would get to love it too. And they were right. Parents know best. Roberto and I spent 4 years and a half in Pinellas County (1998 - 2002). He studied Business Administration at Florida Metropolitan University. I studied at Saint Petersburg College, majoring in Creative Writing. There, I worked as babysitter, bus girl, restaurant hostess, restaurant cashier, and marketing associate in a big corporate business. As you can see, I have never worked as a journalist.

I graduated in July 2002. Three months later, we were back in Brazil. In here, we had to start our lives over.

My parents played their important role here one more time: giving out the right advice. They suggested us setting up a kind of business they've been pretty familiar with - a language school. In this country there are tons of franchising language schools to choose from. We ventured a nationally known school which would not cost that much to get started. Those kinds of business are usually more successful when they are opened far from big cities or metropolitan centers. That is when Rio Grande do Sul state came up to us. It is the southernmost state in Brazil. It is cold, charming, near two other countries: Uruguay and Argentina. Here, people love barbecue, fondue, chocolate, and let's not forget the WINE. The best Brazilian wines are made here, exactly where we've decided to settle down. What could I ever ask for more?

There are pros and cons about being far from everyone we know and everything which once were ours. The good thing is that I discover new stuff about my inner self every day. The worst is that that sort of discovery gets me too involved and tortured in my existing reality which I actually build in the back of my mind. It's not much different from losing the track of things. My life is being a parallel of working too hard while waiting for the beer to cool down or giving the best of myself in classrooms while getting the worst parents' comments... or the parallel of not knowing what I'm doing while being the best professional I could ever be.

That's how it all started.
.

Monday, September 6, 2010

I've been thinking: "19 years together... Roberto has a great deal of patience."

Sept 3rd 2010 - 3 013 Today it has been 19 years that Roberto and I are together. We have been dating longer than living single or apart. Roberto is strong, sweet and tough at the same time. I learn from him many things each day. He's powerful and a goal-getter. I owe him so much. I owe him more than anyone can possibly imagine.

Miss my old camera!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A Poem By Me. Long Time No see.


It’s been nothing else, but fear

Is there still some hope?

Is there any possibility of changes…

My heart, aching and my back, bouncing…

Scattered memories hold my fingers

A dark cloud with no silver lining

Pores, scars, dirt

Worm, veins, and rotten feelings

I’m a black hole

Filled with pus

I’m a cancer, a brain tumor

No words to describe

What and how worse can this get?

Focus on duty

Locus is nowhere

That’s a way to get over this.

Will I ever be free again?

Will I ever be me?



by Laila Chris

Is it the end of it all?

A bit of imagination I can’t push the knife in I can’t make the cut I can’t turn the wheel I can’t step off the kerb I can’t take the p...