Saturday, June 1, 2013

When I was growing up...

When I was growing up, little did I know what life can offer. Nobody warned me that the older we get, the more assholes pop up in our lives. Arrogant adults are ten thousand times worse than snob youngters. I did know that only studying on the daily basis and being supported by one's parents is way convenient, however living on my own allows me adopt gizillion cats, have my body heavily tattooed and go on a vegetarian diet that I've started taking it seriously since March 1st this year. I also celebrate my second being sober anniversary. It has been crazy as always, as usual, as there is no tomorrow. Yeah. I decided on quiting alcohol intake for psychological reasons. I haven't seen a therapist for the last three months. Neverthless, I gave up on psychiatric medication. I have taken a break from my acting classes and my college courses as well. No, I am not a college dropout. I haven't been able to pay my tuition and not just that, we won't be able to travel to Europe as we had planned until we knew that there were people screwing up with the finances at our school. I hadn't written anything about it so far for two main reasons. Firstly, I could not write, mention or even remember the plot that was set in order to enrichen a few people or maybe just one pocket without crying my heart out. No matter how many people were involved,  no matter how they did, no matter why they did,  all I know is what matters is the fact that we were the victims, we were betrayed, we were too innocent to see how evil people can be, how players they are. Moreover, these are the ones who judge others, how people look like or how their hair or nails are presented. I should have known better. I should have thought it deeply and realize that I have never been around hypocrites or cynical assholes like them, and that was supposed to mean something. I was blind. Do I see better now? I doubt it. I only know that when I was growing up, nobody alerted me on this down side about getting older, that it is sickening me the amount of jerks who are going to cross your path and will try to use you and take advantage of your good nature. Excuse me, cause I am rushing to the lady's room to throw up and I will be back here in five. And the second reason why I had not wanted to rant on this bullshit is the fact that I was not able to accept what happened whether was real or not, it all seemed to be just one bad motherfucking nightmare and for a random moment, I'd wake up and all this pain would vanish. Not a night terror, just plain reality and now a terribly sad memory. So it took me guts to be writing and posting on this subject. I might forgive this individual at a certain  point in my life however I cannot see that coming up for now or anytime soon. I am  just glad that I figure out that this was the time to speak up my mind and let you know that I am getting by with a major help from my friends and family, I am truly hanging in there, furthermore I am so growing stronger, super super tough, babe!