Sunday, June 29, 2008
It's Sunday and it is past noon. It is actually almost one o'clock now. Roberto is getting ready to hit the shower. And finally I got to meet some time to type a couple of words here. Depression is hidden somewhere. My fingers don't seem to find the right keys out of this keyboard which would sum up words about this topic: depression. I don't want to pretend everything is fine because I'd be obviously lying to myself. I want to write here what I see happening to me. I totally spazzed out, fell down a stair, and started frantically crying at church a couple of weeks ago. What was I doing at church? There is this nice restaurant right next to it. There, I had litters of red homemade wine. After my fine lunch and gallons of wine, we decided to take a walk around the church yard. I stopped walking right at the edge of some stairs and noticed doves flying over tall trees. Is there anything worse than the sound of frantic wings flapping in our ears?! I got dizzy and lost balance. My right foot landed on the floor in wrong position. As a result, I sprained my ankle and ended up having partial tearing of ligaments. My orthopedist said that I had second degree ankle sprain which consistes in moderate tearing of the ligament fibres, some instability of the joint, moderate pain, some difficulty walking, besides swelling and stiffness in the right ankle joint. I actually started writing this post three weeks ago, so my ankle does look better now but it is far from what it was before. The swelling is not noticeable and the bruises are fading. Many things got across after this incident: that I am getting old, that I've been drinking more than any normal person would do, and that this sedentary life is not gonna make me last too long. Funny I should type these things because right now, on a Sunday evening, I am lying in bed, having some local black stout, and figuring out what I should have for dinner (actually, where I should call for food delivery.) I'd been under accute stress in the beginning of this year until I finally calmed down. Yeah, my sprained ankle came to me in a good moment. I've got new staff working with me and this new vibe going on here is helping me get healed up. Even my Valentine's night was nice and nothing went wrong. Brazilians celebrate Valentine's on June 12th. I know this is quite weird, anyway, I'm glad I get to receive Valentine's present twice a year just because of that. I am not the type who would complain... Italian place we have here in our local area. While waiting for a table, we got to fill our champagne flutes four times straight. I came to be headed to our table already high but not too much drunk. We had an OKAY dinner with lotsa joy. Another brilliant thing we have done is setting our new video room. Finally we have a room with a cute yellow rug and lotsa of CUSHIONS and puffs, besides a wonderful video projector so that we can get to watch movies and stuff being projected against a plain white wall and having the sound amplified by home-theater devices such as speaker boxes as great as the ones in real movie theaters. I've been having a blast with this new room. I hate and love my lifestyle. I've gotta do what I've gotta do and cannot complain about it. I, now, even have health insurance which has covered doctor's visits, X-rays, and physiotherapist sessions. I do not have to be worried about anything right now. Last Thursday, I applied for my new passport, the new blue version and next week I'm paying entirely for my trip to Europe. This is going to be a vivid dream coming true. Altough I came down with a strong cold yesterday, even though my right ankle has still scared me, apart from all this mess I can say that I have not been that bad. Life hasn't been much of a hassle these days. Yeah, depression is really well hidden at some mysterious place.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
____________________ The good memories are vague The painful ones stay Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there, I do not sleep...
"With eyes wide open, it is getting away from me..." I love dancing, singing, drawing, coloring, writing, changing my hair, my sh...