Tired of poor judgement coming from me...

I hate the idea of "new beginnings" that holiday seasons bring to our unconscious. Poor judgement, I think this is all the result of poor judgement. Poor judgement? Yeah, misjudgment, error of judgment, error, miscalculation, slip-up, slip, faux pas, mistake, oversight, anything that a bipolar mind would do. 

No one knows what is gonna happen in this country with the World Cup and all, people my start realizing that they need to learn the basics of English. My professional life must be back on track next year... but what if this is lack of perspective in reality, instead of expecting better economy for Brazil  and for the rest of the world next year. Sigh.  

This is my reality without judgement: I've been taking 200mg of quetiapine, an antipsychotic approved for the treatment of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and along with an antidepressant to treat major depressive disorder. And this is what I have been doing, taking quetiopine along with Zolofot 50mg since August, this year. I have felt sleepier and sleepier and lot more down with major black dogs rather going through stages of well-being as antidepressants are expected to work for you. I don't want to feel hyper, I just wanted to be me again. 

Bipolar patients are keen on false or poor judgement.  This morning, my moods were quite deep and my emotions powerful. My mom called me early, for my standards, but fine, she's family. She's my mom. I rarely write about her here. Funny thing is that I talk about her all the time in real life. If I could be aware, all my contacts at this time would show me how my emotional state affects other people. I am glad and handful has already offered help. I could not tell her about my bipolarity. I simply announced that we are not going to São Paulo to visit them. Bummer. In a way, it is good to spend ONE MORE VACATION home, doing nothing special, except for the blogging thing. I am so regretful that I set this tool aside. It could have served me better during down times. This can be either good or bad, but the growth in consciousness is usually very beneficial. I feel I am growing, I just don't know how.  One problem with this influence, however, is that I find it difficult to see any point of view but my own: a typical bipolar mind. And this is way far from being mature. Also, in dealings with a group there is a danger that I might feel that my own interests and desires are opposed to theirs, thus creating more potential for disagreement. Or worse, they just accept whatever I say, even though what I say may be wrong.  Lesson for 2014: I must learn to detach myself somewhat in order to observe my feelings in action. Otherwise I will not be able afterwards to evaluate what I see without POOR JUDGEMENT.