Bloody incident and query

There is an Atari Teenage Riot happening in my uterus... scheisse! Periods, not a big fan!
Every month I get rust-spotted underwear. I get sheets, pants, and public benches ruined. I have stained dining chairs, bus/car seats, and stools in bars. 

I am so bloated and not very attractive hehehe

I bleed for 8 days straight and I am sure I should be in the Guinness Book of records. I have already submitted my application form to Dublin. Apart from jokes, I suffer crippling cramps. I am having them now, accompanied with vomit but no diarrhea this time. Chances are, if you've had your period, you've had PMS, you know what I am writing about here. 

As a teenager, yours truly experienced a terrible incident involving getting my first period in that month while taking a Math test in 8th grade, during which I had a pair of jeans destroyed and I could only leave the classroom after everyone had been gone from the classroom. Traumatizing. Many people ask me if I didn't know to do the count of days so that I'd be prepared for when my period is supposed to show up... I did know that. I do the count as my birth control, however I keep forgetting THE DAY...

And you? Do you have a wretched, blood-soaked tale to tell? You may do so in the comments, or more anonymously via email. I have absolutely nothing against a super scatological story or let's go for a super sad medical tragedy, regardless feel free to share it.