INTROSPECTION

That's how depression started.
from May 24, 2008 by Ms Burden

Well, it all started on January 29th, 1976. It was on a Thursday. I decided to leave my mother's womb at 10:30 in the morning. January is the hottest month of year in Brazil and that may explain why I loathe summer time. I lived in my hometown (a tiny little town in Sao Paulo State) until I became 16. On my 17th birthday, I had my own apartment in Sao Paulo City (rented, of course), no telephone, no microwave, a roommate to share the expenses, and more serious business to do: get prepared to pass VESTIBULAR -- a selective test to get to enroll in Brazilian colleges. I lived in Liberdade and studied at Etapa. Although I was living in Sao Paulo, I did not want to take colleges there. My ultimate dream school was UFPR - Universidade Federal do Parana. I tried Vestibular there twice. I failed there twice.

Mom found out about UEL - State University of Londrina. It's a pretty nice school in Parana State, and tuition free. All public colleges and universities in Brazil are free to attend. The only massive problem about them is that it gets way difficult to pass their selective tests because everyone wants to enroll in those kind of schools. I never wanted to study there though. I had never heard of Londrina. I knew it was far from my family's town but that was that. Roberto, my husband now and my boyfriend at that time (1993), decided to sign up for UEL and try out its vestibular. I said "Fine. Let's give it a shot!" We both passed vestibular there in 3rd place ranking in our careers. We were both 18 years of age, living far from our parents, attending a free college which meant no need to study and work at the same time coz our parents were able to afford housing and books. We lived in Londrina from 1994 to 1997, when we both graduated with wonderful GPAs. I still can't believe I did not get pregnant during that time. LOL

Four years passed by utterly fast. This is Brazil: people with no degrees have quite hard time to get jobs and people with degrees have hard time to find descent paying work which should make up for the investiment you have with college strives. Even with free colleges there are bills to pay. Roberto and I were not very lucky with our job huntings. Plus, I was so damn sure about my newest career: UNDECLARED. I majored in journalism at UEL. I have always loved writing and all. It's no wonder I have written in blogs for so long. However, being a journalist is much more than just write. Journalism deals with tragedies mostly. I know there is the entertainment, sports, or tourism focused journalism that I could have given them a try... but... I simply couldn't and still can't imagine myself spending every day writing what I am told to. Somehow, I just didn't think I was the type.

Moving out of the country seemed the best solution for my issues. There, I could go after another college degree and maybe finally get a well paying job. As my parents are both ESL teachers and they were kind enough to sponsor an entire year of abroad studies for me, they themselves suggested me The Sunshine State - Florida - in the USA. They had already taken an ESL program at Eckerd College in Saint Petersburg, FL, and they both had fallen in love with this place. Mom and dad were certain that I would get to love it too. And they were right. Parents know best. Roberto and I spent 4 years and a half in Pinellas County (1998 - 2002). He studied Business Administration at Florida Metropolitan University. I studied at Saint Petersburg College, majoring in Creative Writing. There, I worked as babysitter, bus girl, restaurant hostess, restaurant cashier, and marketing associate in a big corporate business. As you can see, I have never worked as a journalist.

I graduated in July 2002. Three months later, we were back in Brazil. In here, we had to start our lives over.

My parents played their important role here one more time: giving out the right advice. They suggested us setting up a kind of business they've been pretty familiar with - a language school. In this country there are tons of franchising language schools to choose from. We ventured a nationally known school which would not cost that much to get started. Those kinds of business are usually more successful when they are opened far from big cities or metropolitan centers. That is when Rio Grande do Sul state came up to us. It is the southernmost state in Brazil. It is cold, charming, near two other countries: Uruguay and Argentina. Here, people love barbecue, fondue, chocolate, and let's not forget the WINE. The best Brazilian wines are made here, exactly where we've decided to settle down. What could I ever ask for more?

There are pros and cons about being far from everyone we know and everything which once were ours. The good thing is that I discover new stuff about my inner self every day. The worst is that that sort of discovery gets me too involved and tortured in my existing reality which I actually build in the back of my mind. It's not much different from losing the track of things. My life is being a parallel of working too hard while waiting for the beer to cool down or giving the best of myself in classrooms while getting the worst parents' comments... or the parallel of not knowing what I'm doing while being the best professional I could ever be.

That's how it all started.
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