So I had to figure out ways to fill up so much spare time. I spent hours and hours watching movies, Netflix series, listening to punk bands, reading Russian poetry, going over past memorabilia, attempting on writing my own poetry, and taking care of cats' health, and looking after people that I cherish. I had the chance to dive into the deepest of my being, nearly reaching the core of my soul. I almost touched the most divine of my good angel and the crust of my devilish one.
There is nothing better than being there for those we care for. There were chats, fights, and the birth of a plan on moving out of the country. That is freaking me out still. And then, there was more talking. Conversations got from shallow, or random, to profound and sassy.
It didn't take too long until we got into an agreement: let us not talk about this immigration thing for a while. It was just a matter of understanding, and saying "sorry" to each other, and giving the real meaning to the word sorry. That old feeling of forgiviness is supreme. I forgave and I was definitely forgiven (at least I want to believe so). After a couple of feuds and animosities, the idea of moving out is still in the air. Let's see what 2024 brings to the table.
When we bring about deviant personal stories to journals, the "false" good deeds for instance, it is like exorcising the worst demons. Those damned dark beasts are hurled straight off of our throats. We spit bad energy and the best in us is kept. The purest feelings stay growing roots and blooming flowers of a possible bright future.
I am afraid, though. I am a chicken. I am as fragile as fireflies. They have been rare in my place these days. I saw one in my apartament a couple or three weeks ago. I was sleeping on the couch and I needed to go to the bathroom. I thought I was hallucinating or just dreaming but it was real. The firefly was in my home, flickering and following me. To me, I was experiencing the touch of hope.
And on the next day, my cat, which nearly passed away, started showing signs of recovery and I became light-headed. My other cat which had eyesight infection got over that on a matter of days. Not even vets were required.
I cooked, baked, watched bad and not so bad "TV", drank wine as if it were water, went to see a beautiful dance performance, went on a terrible dinner experience away from town; I organized my belongings, and I ended up running across memorabilia that I'd thought it was no longer here. I cried, I laughed, I tore useles pieces of paper, glasses were shattered accidently (amazingly not by me), and all these simple things made me realize we are nothing without our profound connections. We are the people and things we collect.
Never have I ever thought of having such an amazing vacation without leaving my place. Not even during the lockdown I could have built or held such deep conversations.
Am I looking forward to getting back to my job tomorrow? No way, José. Do I have another choice? I sure don't. Thusly I will keep pretending that life is better under this pressure, bullshitness (I am sure this is not even a word) and hipocrisy than just looking at my walls while thinking that hope and burden cannot walk hand-in-hand.
I can't wait to have another adventurous and cheap vacation like this past one. BTW, today we are bringing the no longer eye-sicked cat home. She is brandnew to our family. Jody is her name. She POPPed up at our school from out of thin air.
Nobody has claimed her so far. Thus, we shall consider her ours. Jody K. Foster needs to join our crazy flatmates in 2024 and we hope to see Jody bringing some sanity to this madhouse. New kitties in the house are never a burden.
I just hope our home is the place where Jody is meant to live. "Welcome, marbled fur kitty!"
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