Me(h) Time

The social phobias, intrusive thoughts, tremblings, mind and speech confusions, they are all back. They were never gone. Obviously, taking me away to the beach, it wouldn't work. I am rolling up my eyes now. I rolled up my eyes pretty much during the entire trip. I got better during the stay, definitely, especially after getting sunburn... That was the only thing that matter to me. The issue here is that now I lost whatever was left from authority in my own business. And if I say there's some sort of plot being planted against me, it is going to sound psychotic anyway, either way, I am lost. I am depressed to the fullest.  Medications are not doing their jobs. I make my husband suffer along with me. At least, he has got sports and martial arts in his favor. I quit every activity of my life, except working meh! The thing is I had two episodes on  bipolarity and they were dramatic. Both episodes happened inside stores, nice stores. Maybe, my unconscious is telling me that I can't afford the things that are there... As we are having political  and economical crisis in Brazil, I have this haunting feeling that I am a loser because I can't afford stuff. I am not crazy about buying stuff to compensate lack of love, attention, or simply lack of respect from many people towards me. I just get too  frustrated  when I see that I don't have finance freedom. I live like a puppy. But puppies grow up! I must grow up too.