an E-mail to a friend:

hello A.

I really need to write to someone... I have felt lonely to the bones. Have got no friends at all here except for my husband and Tibby, my sweetest cat. I have been down for the last two or three weeks and I can't explain why. I teach in a school where I also live and life has been this way for more than 5 years. Business is going wonderful... but there is this despicable pressure. I guess the pressure for having to live where I as well work is making me hit the ceiling very easily. Dealing with people is another drama of this occupation of mine. I am not gaucha. I have no connection to any person from this city and no one can explain why I ended up opening this business all the way down here. I love different cultures and I'd never complain about cultural conflicts. What pisses me off is the way stuck-up people act down here. I do know that folks from the high society behave pretty much the same everywhere around, but down here they love to pretend they are poor or they just enjoy being stingy for some unkown reason. It must be an Italian thing since most of them have an Italian heritage. Or it is just an old mania which they can't get rid of. They love to complain and they would never compliment on any great effort. I know that this is not true for everyone but that doesn't matter coz that is the most common aspect in people. The kids are widely smart and it is a bless to teach them. Within me, I feel there is a lot being missed out. I live to work and definitely do not work to live... I have extreme ups and downs and have even thought of suicide. I know this is pretty scary and I know I could never try such a thing. I don't wanna scare you but this is something I had to write about. I would never accomplish that since I need to have that book published. Maybe I can turn my poetry into the shape of a book someday and people would place it underneath their pillows before falling asleep. I am a dreamer. I am also a spoiled brat. I drink too much. I eat too much. I curse too much. I am disgusting in so many ways. I have this strange need to be adored, admired, and sometimes even worshipped but I don't struggle much for it. As a teacher, I get that I am being loved and admired sometimes. But as a co-worker or friend, I am so feeble. I wish I were feistier but I am a total ungrateful twat.

love
L.