Your sun sign is Aquarius. This is the sign in which the Sun is in your birth chart. Your Ascendant is in Aries, and your Moon is in Capricorn.

Pluto conjunction MC: A massive push

Beginning of February 2013 until beginning of December 2014: This is an extremely important influence that will affect the entire course and direction of your life and what you will actually accomplish. It is also a rather long lasting influence, whose effects will be manifested over a period of up to two years.

The central issue here is your life direction. Where are you going? What are you doing? How are you going about doing it? This is a time of vigorous scrutiny when you will probably examine everything that you have done with your life up until now and ask a number of questions. First, do you really feel that what you have been doing is valid? Don't think solely in terms of your job, although that is certainly an important part of the question. Many people's true vocation consists of what they consider to be an avocation.

Second, are the means you have used been appropriate to your ends and to your own inner being? This is an extremely important question. With this influence, what is required is not just success; it must be won properly. If you have had to violate the rules of your game in order to win, this influence is likely to bring you crashing down in failure.

Your response to this influence depends on your answers to the above questions. If you discover that you are not fulfilling your true calling in your work or another area, this influence will bring inexorable forces to the surface that will drive you out of your present position. You may leave voluntarily, or you may be forced out by being fired or laid off. If this happens, let your inner feelings guide you in an entirely new direction.

If you have been on the proper course all these years, this influence will give you a massive push to succeed. Only watch out that your push doesn't arouse too much opposition from above that could slow you down. The forces set loose by this influence are often very difficult to handle. Also be careful about breaking the rules of the game as mentioned above, for this can destroy your efforts.

Uranus conjunction Ascendant: True liberation

Beginning of May 2013 until beginning of April 2014: During this period your relationships will alter tremendously, and you will try to break free of the restrictions and obligations that have held you back. You begin to feel very impatient and rebellious toward limitations of any kind. Others will find it very difficult to predict what you will do and may be quite upset by your actions. The people you draw into your immediate environment now may be radically different from those whom you used to associate with.

This influence has its most difficult effects on marriage and other intimate relationships. You may find it difficult to continue living up to the rules of marriage and may begin to look for other relationships. You can anticipate the effects of this influence on your marriage or other intimate union simply by examining your inner feelings about the relationship. If it really feels good, you will not have much of a problem. A husband during this time may become impatient with the standard masculine role of breadwinner with all its accoutrements, as defined by our culture. Similarly, a wife may suddenly become impatient with being merely a housewife and begin to demand a more active role in the world. This influence gives both sexes a desire for liberation.

If you are well prepared, this time can also bring about the only meaningful liberation, that is, the mind being free of its illusions. Many people begin to study astrology or the occult at this time, seeking this very liberation. While these studies may be a useful step on the path, you will ultimately learn that all structures for interpreting the world have the same limitations as your old ones, if you allow them to become rigid. True liberation involves coming to a point where all structure is taken on by choice and your life is self-created.

Jupiter conjunction IC: Your inward needs

Mid-August 2013 until mid-April 2014: This is a time for expansion and growth in your innermost personal life, a time when you will seek security at home and with your immediate family. It may be necessary to reexamine your past life to find out what it can teach you about yourself. But this should not be a source of anxiety. In fact, you should feel quite good about what you learn at this time. Your parents may be able to assist you considerably in this process.

The symbolism of this influence is that you incorporate more and more of the outer world into your innermost life. On the material level, you may buy a larger, more elegant or more spacious home. Certainly it would be a good expression of this symbolism to improve your existing home and make it more comfortable.

At this time you should do everything to ensure that your personal life is as comfortable and secure as possible. You need to have a feeling of inner peace and security in order to continue to move out in the world. In fact you should not think so much about outward success now as about the more personal and inward needs that we have discussed here. And you should realize that your real need now is not land or a larger home, but a feeling of strength and inner growth.

This is the time to tie up any loose ends in your personal life, straighten out any relationships that are not working well, any leftovers from your past life that are still affecting the present adversely. To do this you may have to speak to others very openly about yourself and your innermost thoughts.

So this is a good time to settle and put down roots. The feeling of belonging to a place and a group of people is very important to you now. You don't have to do this in a way that limits your freedom of movement, and during this time it is very unlikely that you will do so. But everyone needs a solid home base so that they can feel at peace in their other activities. If you don't make an effort to construct such a base now, you will have difficulty later when your principal concerns are turning elsewhere.

Jupiter square Ascendant: On the lookout

Mid-August 2013 until mid-April 2014: This is usually an excellent time for most kinds of relationships, but there are some pitfalls. Basically this influence signifies a desire to grow and advance through contacts with others. Probably you are willing to give as much as you get, although in some people this influence triggers a desire for advantages through others without giving anything in return. In fact as they get ahead, such people act arrogantly toward everyone, even those who helped them. This causes others to reject them, and when they hit hard times there is no one to help them out.

But this result is totally unnecessary, and all you have to do to avoid it is to keep a sense of humility and recognize what others have done for you. With this influence you have the potential to become a truly better person, but only if you keep these warnings in mind.

Quite frequently this influence brings a seemingly "lucky" chance through a friend or associate. But it is not luck so much as the fact that you are very sharply on the lookout for opportunities that can benefit you. Your sense of timing is very acute, and your sensitivity to others and their needs is greater than usual. That is one reason why it is so bad to ignore others' needs, because you don't even have the excuse of ignorance.

Benefits can come to you in either your personal and domestic life or in your work. There may be an opportunity to make money or to make improvements in your home that will make it much more pleasant. Or you may meet people who will help you learn more about the world and expand your view of it in various ways. You have to be willing to let this happen, however, which means you must be receptive. This is another area in which being arrogant brings the risk that you will get nothing of lasting value out of this period.

Jupiter square Jupiter: Impending shortages

End of September 2013 until end of May 2014: With this influence it is very important that you keep your affairs from getting out of hand. There is a strong tendency to excess, which may make it impossible to keep up with whatever you are involved in, simply because it is more than you can handle. Be particularly careful concerning financial matters, for you are likely to spend without thinking, confident that there is an abundance of money or other resources to back you up. You may not notice the pinch immediately, but shortly after this period you may experience shortages that will be severely exacerbated if you spend money foolishly now.

But money is not the only area of concern. You may be overcommitted to projects that demand more time than you really have. So in every area of your life, make sure that you really have the time or resources to do what you have set out to do. Do not overestimate the resources at your disposal.

If you avoid that pitfall, this can be a very fruitful influence, because it gives you more confidence and optimism and allows you to undertake projects that you would ordinarily be reluctant to take on. Also your basically positive attitude helps to ensure that your affairs will turn out the way you want.

Under this influence some persons experience a kind of ego inflation in which they have delusions of grandeur or overestimate their self-importance. This can lead to arrogant behavior and inflated pride with little or no real substance behind it.

What this influence does is test your sense of proportion. You have to know what you really can and cannot do and who you really are. Insofar as you fulfill those conditions, this influence will give you apparent luck and greater power to achieve.

Jupiter opposition Moon: The first move

End of September 2013 until end of May 2014: This is a time when feelings and emotions play an important part in your life, and relationships based on feelings and emotions become very important. This influence is usually experienced positively as warm feelings within yourself and from others. You feel emotionally very generous and giving. Relationships are usually quite good and rewarding now, and those that you have been building up for years may begin to produce results. You can now decide clearly which ones are worthwhile and which are not.

But there is a negative side to this influence also. It can make you feel very self-indulgent and undisciplined. You may feel that the world "owes me a living," whether or not you really deserve it. It may also make you feel that others ought to be breaking their back to help you. In personal relationships, you may become very demanding without really offering anything to your partner in return. Instead of reaching out to make things happen in your life, you wait for others to make the first move and become quite angry when people insist that you take some initiative.

Your love relationships and relations with women can be either very good or very bad, probably not anywhere in the middle. It all depends upon your general reaction to this influence. If you are demanding in the manner described above, then your relationships will be bad. But if this influence arouses your feelings of warmth and generosity, they will be quite good. And this is a good way of gauging where you are with this influence, because encounters with others, especially women, will bring out its effects.

Drinking coffee out of a new mug: a present given by Larissa Rech

Ainda

Ainda
havia
a via
Todavia
agora
o anátema
amarga
a alma
antes nunca
atingido
o amálgama
anterior a ela
Há pressa!
Amava
e assim
a tem.
Amparado
ao ato,
à paisagem
Além da vida
aparece então
o átomo âmber
assumido
apalpado
aferido,
mas animado
Acorda para o
mundo refém.
Angústia e vem.

GLOOMY

                                            It’s been nothing else, but fear

Is there still some hope?

Is there any possibility of changes…

My heart, aching and my back, bouncing…

Scattered memories hold my fingers

A dark cloud with no silver lining

Pores, scars, dirt

Worm, veins, and rotten feelings

I’m a black hole

Filled with pus

I’m a cancer, a brain tumor

No words to describe

What and how worse can this get?

Focus on duty

Locus is nowhere

That’s a way to get over this.

Will I ever be free again?

Will I ever be me?

by Laila Chris

WAY WAY LONG TIME AGO...

Joshua Walters: On being just crazy enough

Self-portrait Tuesday

Mysteries of the mind

Much of what we don't understand about being human is simply in our heads. The brain is a befuddling organ, as are the very questions of life and death, consciousness, sleep, and much more. Here's a heads-up on what's known and what's not understood about your noggin.    


10. Sweet Dreams If you were to ask 10 people what dreams are made of, you'd probably get 10 different answers. That's because scientists are still unraveling this mystery. One possibility: Dreaming exercises brain by stimulating the trafficking of synapses between brain cells. Another theory is that people dream about tasks and emotions that they didn't take care of during the day, and that the process can help solidify thoughts and memories. In general, scientists agree that dreaming happens during your deepest sleep, called Rapid Eye Movement (REM).

 9. Slumber Sleuth Fruit flies do it. Tigers do it. And humans can't seem to get enough of it. No, not that. We're talking about shut-eye, so crucial we spend more than a quarter of our lives at it. Yet the underlying reasons for sleep remain as puzzling as a rambling dream. One thing scientists do know: Sleep is crucial for survival in mammals. Extended sleeplessness can lead to mood swings, hallucination, and in extreme cases, death. There are two states of sleep-non-rapid eye movement (NREM), during which the brain exhibits low metabolic activity, and rapid eye movement (REM), during which the brain is very active. Some scientists think NREM sleep gives your body a break, and in turn conserves energy, similar to hibernation. REM sleep could help to organize memories. However, this idea isn't proven, and dreams during REM sleep don't always correlate with memories.  

8. Phantom Feelings It's estimated that about 80 percent of amputees experience sensations, including warmth, itching, pressure and pain, coming from the missing limb. People who experience this phenomenon, known as "phantom limb," feel sensations as if the missing limb were part of their bodies. One explanation says that the nerves area where the limb severed create new connections to the spinal cord and continue to send signals to the brain as if the missing limb was still there. Another possibility is that the brain is "hard-wired" to operate as if the body were fully intact-meaning the brain holds a blueprint of the body with all parts attached.  

7. Mission Control Residing in the hypothalamus of the brain, the suprachiasmatic nucleus, or biological clock, programs the body to follow a 24-hour rhythm. The most evident effect of circadian rhythm is the sleep-wake cycle, but the biological clock also impacts digestion, body temperature, blood pressure, and hormone production. Researchers have found that light intensity can adjust the clock forward or backward by regulating the hormone melatonin. The latest debate is whether or not melatonin supplements could help prevent jet lag-the drowsy, achy feeling you get when "jetting" across time zones.  

6. Memory Lane Some experiences are hard to forget, like perhaps your first kiss. But how does a person hold onto these personal movies? Using brain-imaging techniques, scientists are unraveling the mechanism responsible for creating and storing memories. They are finding that the hippocampus, within the brain's gray matter, could act as a memory box. But this storage area isn't so discriminatory. It turns out that both true and false memories activate similar brain regions. To pull out the real memory, some researchers ask a subject to recall the memory in context, something that's much more difficult when the event didn't actually occur.  

5. Brain Teaser Laughter is one of the least understood of human behaviors. Scientists have found that during a good laugh three parts of the brain light up: a thinking part that helps you get the joke, a movement area that tells your muscles to move, and an emotional region that elicits the "giddy" feeling. But it remains unknown why one person laughs at your brother's foolish jokes while another chuckles while watching a horror movie. John Morreall, who is a pioneer of humor research at the College of William and Mary, has found that laughter is a playful response to incongruities-stories that disobey conventional expectations. Others in the humor field point to laughter as a way of signaling to another person that this action is meant "in fun." One thing is clear: Laughter makes us feel better.  

4. Nature vs. Nurture In the long-running battle of whether our thoughts and personalities are controlled by genes or environment, scientists are building a convincing body of evidence that it could be either or both! The ability to study individual genes points to many human traits that we have little control over, yet in many realms, peer pressure or upbringing has been shown heavily influence who we are and what we do.  

3. Mortal Mystery Living forever is just for Hollywood. But why do humans age? You are born with a robust toolbox full of mechanisms to fight disease and injury, which you might think should arm you against stiff joints and other ailments. But as we age, the body's repair mechanisms get out of shape. In effect, your resilience to physical injury and stress declines. Theories for why people age can be divided into two categories: 1) Like other human characteristics, aging could just be a part of human genetics and is somehow beneficial. 2) In the less optimistic view, aging has no purpose and results from cellular damage that occurs over a person's lifetime. A handful of researchers, however, think science will ultimately delay aging at least long enough to double life spans.

2. Deep Freeze Living forever may not be a reality. But a pioneering field called cryonics could give some people two lives. Cryonics centers like Alcor Life Extension Foundation, in Arizona, store posthumous bodies in vats filled with liquid nitrogen at bone-chilling temperatures of minus 320 degrees Fahrenheit (78 Kelvin). The idea is that a person who dies from a presently incurable disease could be thawed and revived in the future when a cure has been found. The body of the late baseball legend Ted Williams is stored in one of Alcor's freezers. Like the other human popsicles, Williams is positioned head down. That way, if there were ever a leak in the tank, the brain would stay submerged in the cold liquid. Not one of the cryopreserved bodies has been revived, because that technology doesn't exist. For one, if the body isn't thawed at exactly the right temperature, the person's cells could turn to ice and blast into pieces.

1. Consciousness When you wake up in the morning, you might perceive that the Sun is just rising, hear a few birds chirping, and maybe even feel a flash of happiness as the fresh morning air hits your face. In other words, you are conscious. This complex topic has plagued the scientific community since antiquity. Only recently have neuroscientists considered consciousness a realistic research topic. The greatest brainteaser in this field has been to explain how processes in the brain give rise to subjective experiences. So far, scientists have managed to develop a great list of questions.

Ya know, Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "the only thing to fear is fear itself". Oh ya? Well, maybe he forgot about...

Plane crashes. Car wrecks. Train derailments. Sinking boats. Drunk drivers. Blind drivers. Reckless drivers. Drive-by shootings. Hurricanes. Tornadoes. Tropical storms. Ice storms. Tsunamis. Deadly earthquakes. Volcano eruptions. Floods. Poisonous snakes. Poisonous spiders. Scorpions. Sharks. Killer bees. Dogs with rabies. Pit bulls with rabies. Pit bulls without rabies. The bird flu. West Nile. Mad cow disease. SARS. SIDS. AIDS. Flesh-eating disease. Cancer. Syphyllis. Gonnorhea. A strange discoloration on your dick. A strange perforation on your A-hole. A growth that changes colors. Bleeding gums. Changes in moles. High blood pressure. Low blood pressure. A crazed madman flaunting a loaded pistol. A bomb-wielding suicide terrorist who hates you religiously. A disgruntled postal employee. Pissed-off loan sharks named “Shitface”. A botched medical procedure. Con artists. Computer viruses. Spyware. Adware. Worms. Chemicals in the air. Chemicals in your food. Spit on your burger. Fecal matter in your burger. Drugs in your drink. Disfiguring factory mishaps. Career-ending sports injuries. Bad drugs. Tainted drinking water. Tainted blood. Unstable nations with nuclear capabilities. Theft. Assault. Sexual assault. Hate crimes. Kidnapping. Kiddie porn. Infidelity. Adultery. Trans-fats. Too much fats. Too much sun. Unstable economy. Corruption. Job security. Bankruptcy. Audits. Bank machine fraud. Late charges. Penalty fees. Bad credit. Global warming. Obesity. Vandalism. Isolation. Loneliness. Abandonment.

…and of course, personal failure.

Now get out there and have a nice day.

Source:  blog "quill of the saucy monk"

DEPRESSION DEPRESSION DEPRESSION

Personal Daily Horoscope of Thursday, 22 August 2013 for Laila Burden, born 29 January 1976 It can be real *** This influence stimulates your creative imagination and is likely to put you into a very pleasant and dreamy frame of mind, in which you will be capable of great creativity. You may not act very practically, however. If you have any creative or artistic talent, this will be a good time for using it. Your sense of color will be heightened, and your sense of form and design will be improved. Even if you are not especially artistic, you should surround yourself with various forms of beauty in order to better appreciate it. On the emotional front, you are inclined to idealize your partner in a love relationship and not deal very well with his less ideal aspects, the "warts," so to speak. This influence may in fact bring a very romantic new love. But even though you won't have a very realistic attitude toward it, you are unlikely to do yourself any harm. The effects of this influence are mild enough so that afterward you can make the necessary adjustment to reality. If the relationship turns out to have no real merit, you will simply drop it with little regret. While this aspect affects love relationships most strongly, it will affect friendships also. In the name of love for your friend or lover you will be able to act much less selfishly than at other times. Love is more important than getting your own way at this time, and you want to do whatever you can for the person you love. Just make sure that the person you are devoting yourself to is worth the effort. But even if he or she is not worthwhile, the energy you put forth will help you greatly in the long run, because you have been able to act selflessly and give for the sake of giving. If all other factors are right, this influence can bring a most spiritual love, a true "soul-union." You may feel that you have met the person who has always been destined for you. And this may in fact be true; with other influences this feeling is often simply an illusion, but with this one it can be real.

http://taxonomytherapist.blogspot.com.br/

rancounters (playlist)

OMG, I really need to erase 2013 off my personal story, except for the month of JUNE

My life has been okay when it comes to love and family support. I bet there aren't families like mine. Hubby and I have expanded our business, let´s say, four times bigger than our original school which we had set up 10 years ago. Thanks to bank loans, loads of them, we have been able to enhance the language school that we own. We have improved the structure and now we can offer  more space, better classrooms, better coffee, and such. Now, it is time to pay back the loans and this is sorta of scary. Our sense of responsibility is fierce;  therefore, we live under pressure and anxiety, mostly because we cannot spend on any useless or luxory items, just because we have to pay back the bank. The banks, better saying. Simultaneously, we are tied up because the more students we get, the greater our expenses become. It is like a catch-22, but hey, we are inserted in the complex intertwined events that is called LIFE. And in order to let life flow, honestly, I may simply accept the fact that I must live one day after the other. But then, the month of June has knocked on our doors.

Last month was a historical month to all Brazilian folks. I would not miss the chance to write about this past month's national demonstrations. A chain reaction, similar to Harlem Shake, but boosted by the Anonymous, that is how the demonstrations started in our nation. The national protests that are still ongoing are compared to the Arab Spring and to what has happened in Iceland, Greece, Indonesia,  and Turkey. We have had a fake democracy installed since 1988 based on corruption and gap-filling bills created by our congressmen. Brazil is an unfair country to live in. We suffer from urban violence, drug dealers' warfare - literally drug related war zones in slums. We lack good schools and hospitals. Our country is the 5th economy in the world but we are below 100th in education. Only 5%¨of Brazilian population is fluent in English and that rate is too low if you take into consideration that our population sums up more than 200 million people and more, we are going to host both the WORLD CUP and the summer Olympics soon. Our country is stuck when it comes to development of the population's basic needs. That explains why people got furious and decided to demonstrate on the streets and on digital media. I demonstrated too.

Are things picking up in Brazil after all those demonstrations? Not sure. I am pretty much pessimistic and even if I were a soccer fan, I would rather not travel to Brazil to see the World Cup because there will be more violence in the streets especially nearby the soccer events. Please, warn people you know NOT TO COME TO BRAZIL next year if you really care about them.

Please, check here these links and get informed about these Brazilian demonstrations...
http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/06/18/us-brazil-protests-idUSBRE95G15S20130618
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/jul/12/thousands-streets-brazil-protests
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_protests_in_Brazil
http://www.coha.org/23156/

Me and Guilherme Ioris, my former student and a future business partner :o)

Winter is home and you should get to know who I am, just in case

I am a married woman from São Paulo (Brazil). Hence, I’m stressful and cannot 'samba'. I despise Bossa Nova, carnival, and soccer. I have a problem saying 'yes' or 'no'... I stick with 'maybe'. Narrow-minded people cannot understand me. I have some good memory for names. I barely listen to music. I mostly care for setting uside some time for books and movies. I’ve carried the same pens in my pencil case for twelve years. I cook very well but I’m lazy. I love deli platters. I like Christina Applegate just because DONNIE DARKO made me do it. I collect coins from different countries. I love helping my friends if there is something I can do. I don't retaliate - simply can't. I love colors. I can't stand work associates that set up plots to get themselves better positions or a mere raise. I don't want to be a victim of psychopaths ever again either. I am often punctual. I fear driving. I fear sitting on the passanger's side too. I don't spend loads on books, but I do splurge on second-hand ones. I hate people with no sense of humor. I don't give alms but I monthly donate money to some institutions. I love The Legendary Pink Dots. I listen to Muddy Waters. I've got no patience for Janis Joplin. I complain a lot. I hate when others think my mother tongue is Spanish and the capital of my country is Rio de Janeiro - I'll slap right on the face of any person who has ever thought of that. I mean it. I know how to say ‘I’m sorry’ and I do say it millions of times. I do not download either music or movies for I don't know how to. I don’t know how to hold grudges. I love animals, mostly cats. Though, never would I become vegetarian in order to protect their lives. I simply don't think this is the way. I don’t care for money. I work in Caxias do Sul (Rio Grande do Sul state - Brazil), at a school painted yellow, blue, orange, red and green. I love working out but I'm very lazy. I do pilates, though. I like autobiographies. I lurve knickknacks. I love Pollock. I loathe washing dishes. I sometimes need to be alone. I hate soccer. I'd rather watch sepaktakraw. I'd rather root for a hockey team. I don’t know how to play cards. I would love to know how to sing. I would like to play softball. I love Munch. I drink too much coffee. I lurve air conditioner. My mother says I am pretty crazy. My sisters say it too. I’m gluttonous. I hate baby blue and all pinks. I love Clarice Lispector. I know how to play the piano. I play it terribly. I have lovely hands. Unfortunately, I never have them manicured. I've never watched "ET" but I've already watched the documentary "EARTHLINGS". I barely recognize people on the phone by their voices. I can’t stand stinginess. I hate Goddard. I love Fassbinder. I don't hate Mondrian. I love Frida Kahlo. I don’t like good taste. I hate needles. I am very hairy. I like Gisele Bündchen. I detest making beds. I love the feeling of having them made. I love Camembert and Gouda cheese. Fashion pretty much sucks, in my opinion. I have never known what to say in the presence of celebrities. My friends say I am a lot crazy. No more desktop PCs for me. I have finally got a laptop of my own. My book writing process will be less traumatizing. Now I can type whenever and wherever I want to. I have always been happily in love. I love Marlon Brando, Brian Molko, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Ryan Gosling. I love my father too. He's a freaking good grammarian. I can’t live without make-ups. I loathe Amélie Poulain. I hate experimental art. I do believe this is a cheap excuse for poor art making and understanding. I sleep less than I would like to. I hate mystifyng people. I don’t like trivial mysteries. I despise phony people... well... not so much! I love stripes. I've already given shelter to trespassers and outcasts. I’d already stopped eating meat, but not for too long. I believe in many superstitions. I like John Lydon. I crave sushi and sashimi all the time. I have already wanted to have children. Ich bin 36 Jahren alt und habe keine kinder. Jetzt bin ich sehr glücklich. Ich suche Freunde für Deutsch schreiben und lernen. When I was a child, I loved birthday parties, not for the presents, but because I'd use the gift wraps to draw or write on them. I don’t like TV. I love my back. I love laughing at myself. I have a soft spot for junkies. I love burgers. While living in the US, I loved dining at Benningan's, Steak n' Shake, Outback Steakhouse, Applebee's, and Wendy's. I hate hip hop celebrities. My students say I am way crazy (I teach for a living btw). I despise people who take themselves too seriously. I hate aristocrats. I can’t live without Alfredo sauce. I like to listen to New Order, Cure, Gang of Four, David Bowie, and Stoogies. I am so not disciplined. I truly want to visit Bangkok and Singapore. I envy cats. I love Fernando Pessoa. I love hot bright colors. I hate being tested in matters of fun, in account of stupidness. I love Lebanese food. I can’t stand malls and fashion designers' stores. When I lived in Florida, I loved shopping at TJ Maxx, Staples, and Burdines. I hate people fascinated by fame. I love Sebastião Salgado's photos. I want to write very simple and profound poems. I want to know what life on this planet is for. I love Andy Warhol. I am very short. I postpone very important decisions. My shoe size is 36 (Brazil) and 5 1/2(USA). I have an autograph by Hilary Swank. I met her in NYC. I love wine. I like I-dosers. I've got two college degrees. I make my living out of something I've never studied for. I don’t know how to say about my feelings. I'd rather write it. I love silent flicks. I want to own many many colorful All Stars. I love trying exotic food. I love Mário Bortolotto. I despise real or fake rich people who look down on others. I love different shades of green. I like Adidas shoes. I love Paul Klee. I love Kandinsky. I always say "f#ck". I really enjoy watching thriller movies. I sleep in every weekend. I am too much generous. I love Rosa Parks. I've already been on a TV cooking show. I made 'shepherd's pie'. I’m mad about sunflowers. I’ve been head over heels in love for seven years, and then, only then my feeling scattered away for some time... I love Paulo Leminski. I love Samuel Beckett. I hate aestheticization. I hate undue appraisal of folklore. I like watching myself on video. I hate hearing my voice though. I love Augusto dos Anjos. I wish I had a lithography by Miró. In winter, I never have dinner without wine. In summer, I never have ice cream without hot fudge. One day I shall have a llama. I'd do barbaric things for a better digital camera. People often say I am crazy and I don't blame them. Have you got anything to say about yourself?

When I was growing up...

When I was growing up, little did I know what life can offer. Nobody warned me that the older we get, the more assholes pop up in our lives. Arrogant adults are ten thousand times worse than snob youngters. I did know that only studying on the daily basis and being supported by one's parents is way convenient, however living on my own allows me adopt gizillion cats, have my body heavily tattooed and go on a vegetarian diet that I've started taking it seriously since March 1st this year. I also celebrate my second being sober anniversary. It has been crazy as always, as usual, as there is no tomorrow. Yeah. I decided on quiting alcohol intake for psychological reasons. I haven't seen a therapist for the last three months. Neverthless, I gave up on psychiatric medication. I have taken a break from my acting classes and my college courses as well. No, I am not a college dropout. I haven't been able to pay my tuition and not just that, we won't be able to travel to Europe as we had planned until we knew that there were people screwing up with the finances at our school. I hadn't written anything about it so far for two main reasons. Firstly, I could not write, mention or even remember the plot that was set in order to enrichen a few people or maybe just one pocket without crying my heart out. No matter how many people were involved,  no matter how they did, no matter why they did,  all I know is what matters is the fact that we were the victims, we were betrayed, we were too innocent to see how evil people can be, how players they are. Moreover, these are the ones who judge others, how people look like or how their hair or nails are presented. I should have known better. I should have thought it deeply and realize that I have never been around hypocrites or cynical assholes like them, and that was supposed to mean something. I was blind. Do I see better now? I doubt it. I only know that when I was growing up, nobody alerted me on this down side about getting older, that it is sickening me the amount of jerks who are going to cross your path and will try to use you and take advantage of your good nature. Excuse me, cause I am rushing to the lady's room to throw up and I will be back here in five. And the second reason why I had not wanted to rant on this bullshit is the fact that I was not able to accept what happened whether was real or not, it all seemed to be just one bad motherfucking nightmare and for a random moment, I'd wake up and all this pain would vanish. Not a night terror, just plain reality and now a terribly sad memory. So it took me guts to be writing and posting on this subject. I might forgive this individual at a certain  point in my life however I cannot see that coming up for now or anytime soon. I am  just glad that I figure out that this was the time to speak up my mind and let you know that I am getting by with a major help from my friends and family, I am truly hanging in there, furthermore I am so growing stronger, super super tough, babe!

How to Meditate

Jack Kerouac (1922 - 1969)

-lights out-fall, hands a-clasped, into instantaneous

ecstasy like a shot of heroin or morphine,

the gland inside of my brain discharging

the good glad fluid (Holy Fluid) as

i hap-down and hold all my body parts

down to a deadstop trance-Healing

all my sicknesses-erasing all-not

even the shred of a 'I-hope-you' or a

Loony Balloon left in it, but the mind

blank, serene, thoughtless. When a thought

comes a-springing from afar with its held-

forth figure of image, you spoof it out,

you spuff it off, you fake it, and

it fades, and thought never comes-and

with joy you realize for the first time

'thinking's just like not thinking-

So I don't have to think

any

more'

10 things I hate... I don't recall when I first started this list.

1)Having to stop at a gas station to fill up the tank just right before going to a party or restaurants. I'm normally starving to death prior the munchtime. Why can't we fill the tank on the way back?

2)Students that miss classes and don't excuse on that.

3)Hate doing the dishes, the laundry, the cleaning... you name it.

4)Hate having periods. I've got the worst pms. I wanna reborn a man - a hairy one - soaked in testosterone so that there is not a slight chance of wishing to have those sex changes.

5)Hate soups when I am not sick. But when I am sick and that is the only thing I'm allowed to eat, so then I love it.

6)Hate when my computer shuts down by its own wish... it's because I sometimes hit accidently a key which is located right next to the 'enter' and 'delete' buttons. I had just done that while typing the introduction to this comment. So therefore I am typing key by key carefully and skillfully in order to avoid getting a nervous breakdown.

7)I hate when my hubby forgets to do something. He doesn't make lists. He doesn't write reminder notes. He doesn't set his cell or computer alarms to go off and this way he could remember to have whatever is needed to be done.

8)Hate when people who know me try to call my attention on the streets or malls by whistling or making those weird sounds. I know they mostly intend to chat a be nice, but why can't they shout "Laila"?

9)Hate seeing garbage on the floor - specially in public places. What's up with those piggies who can't walk extra yards just to dump their trash into a wastebasket???? Would they throw their used toilet paper on the bathroom floor if the trashcan were placed far from the bowl???

10)Hate having zitts on my butt - but that is a too personal hatred which may not concern the general and average blog reader!!!

My home photos taken this afternoon...