What was I thinkin'?

Oh dear God. A new semester has arrived, a new school season better saying. I am already busy packed with tests to correct, students' reports to fill in... and I had to raise the idea of taking Chinese and boxing this year!?!? I really don't know what I was thinking... (thousands of ellipsis there, please). Luckily I got to hire an American teacher, Sarah Cato (from Alabama) to take over some of my groups. Well, at first, I thought: "Greaaat! Now, I'll have more free time for myself!" Yeah, riiiiiight. I am sensing that this is not gonna work out this way.

At my job, I feel suffocated by supervisions and stuff. With this new teacher at our school, I feel tenser coz now I have got one person to supervise while I am still being supervised. Whatevs, my job isn't the major problem. What bugs me is that I pretty much wish I had more power to take decisions in life. I've already typed that gizillions of times in this blog. But this time, I mean it. I mean: INDEPENDENCE. By 'independence' I mean that little most precious thing in life - to do whatever I want whenever I want to. Nah... this is never gonna happen. Well, it has happened once, or twice... That maybe happened when I was a teenager, I guess. Or that may have happened when I was not married. Being married isn't so pleasing at times, especially when you see your 'independence' scattering away.

Not everything sucks though. I am very lonely here in my place and I do not complain about. Actually, I am way happier just because of that. I don't even consider having kids because it scares me the idea of having people depending on me... really, it would be too crazy for them to have Laila as their mother. But it could be nice to start my own family - making my own people - moooohahahahaha. However, to have kids requires so much hard work, and then, there is the worst: they last too long and that could bankrupt me. Seriously, what could cost more than kids taking away your 'independence' from you?

My family was poor in the past. As a matter of fact, my mother had sadly poor parents and my father's parents were once very wealthy, but only once, when my father was just a kid. Dad left home when he was 16 and started his whole life from nothing. My father is a real self-made man and I am very proud of this. Roberto and I aren't much different from that. We also started growing, raising money for setting up our business when we both were 18. Our parents did help a little but we made it mostly on our own. I can't say we are rich but according to Brazilian standards we are above the average. Don't take me wrong. We did not suffer for gettin' there. We both went to college, and, we used to do what most teenagers should do which is study, work, and party a lot. Although, not many kids have got the same lifestyle we had.

In Brazil, most teenagers are asked to work for the local industries right after they finish high school. The lousy thing is that they don't make good money, unless they are in college or have already finished undergraduate studies. But even for those who are attending college courses, there is no guarantee of better salaries or wages. Then, there is another matter which's that not many of them can afford college studies and the worst is that higher education, in this country, is only called higher for a mere convention. Depending on the major, most of our schools are not well-qualified. Big bummer!

I stress over my lifestyle. Fine. I complain about it without many real reasons. I stress over the general Brazilian colleges and universitites. Also fine. Though, this time, I've got good reasons to. But I can always run away to any other country and study there (if at least I had that kind of FREEDOM to just GO...). Now, it is time to complain over the Brazilian way of accepting their shitty conditions of survival. Are we really 'independent' people?

Drugs and crimes have been common issues in medium and large cities in Brazil since my grandparents were born. I am constantly frightened when I am outdoors. I barely take walks downtown or go for a picnic in a park coz... coz... we never know... criminals are everywhere and they can attack at any time of the day or night. The working part of the Brazilian society live in this frightening state. Therefore we gate our houses, we install alarm and surveillance cameras, we set security codes to enter apartment buildings, many stores hire security guards to stand on sidewalks to watch out for their clients... in reality, we are caged and most of us don't even realize that. And d'you know why? because when people at my age were born, things had already been this way. And people don't get to travel to other cultures to see other realities because they cannot afford that either. Brazilian people are f#cking dependent puppies lost in the wild, including me.

In short... I must copy and paste my first paragraph: "Oh dear God. A new semester has arrived, a new school season better saying. I am packed with tests to correct, students' reports to fill in... and I had to raise the idea of taking Chinese and boxing this year!?!? I really don't know what I was thinking..." Really. What was I thinking?

Ms Burden

PS: I want my "independence" back.

Wanted to keep this and check it back next year

This is Your Free Numerology Reading
This reading is based on —
Birth Name: Laila Christina de Carvalho Goncalves
Birth Date: 1/29/1976 (January 29, 1976)

Your Inner or Soul's Urge: This is spiritual and emotional expression more than physical. It is your heart-felt desires, your incentive, how you look at life. Here are your areas of personal satisfaction.

Number: 1

Usually not very emotional, you are in this life to take action.

You want to lead and direct.

You are independent at heart and desire to reach your goals by your own efforts and intelligence. You have a strong creative force with many original and interesting ideas. There is much inner strength available to you. Rarely do you shirk responsibilities.

You are proud of your abilities and seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness.

Others will respect and help you, like a true leader deserves, so long as you acknowledge and validate the interests and desires of others as well as your own. Be kind and generous, and you can be a recognized leader.

You can display conceit and intolerance of people who are considered inferior -- boastful, egotistical, critical, impatient of trifles -- especially when you feel impeded. When you are headstrong, impulsive, or highly willful, you may appear contrary, bossy, dominating, or egotistical. You tend to be impatient with those who are resistant to change.

You can be reticent, and can lack self-confidence. Sometimes you won't take a stand for fear of hurting others. Yet, something continually keeps urging you forward.

You want your home, spouse, and family to be a credit to you.

Overall, you are loyal in friendship, fair in business, a safe leader, and work diligently. You are capable of great accomplishment.



Your Personality: This is physical expression more than spiritual or emotional; your outer self, the way you express when meeting others. It may or may not be the real you.


Number: 7

You appear dignified and poised, intellectual, and somewhat aloof. When first meeting someone, you appear hard to know, but are friendly and a good talker when better acquainted. You emit a strong sense of self-knowledge.

While discussing familiar topics, you are convincing and appear at ease. However, in unfamiliar areas you can make statements you later regret.

Your personality gains when well-dressed and groomed; good style with straight lines and touches of color and sparkle, possibly of expensive materials.



Your Quiescent Self: Stripping away all outside influences, aspirations, ambitions, "shoulds", and "shouldn'ts" -- this is you when you are alone; just you and your dreams..


Number: 7

You have a cosmic connection with spiritual wisdom. The Ancients are no stranger to you. In fact, you share their knowledge. You are known for who you are, and people seek you out to hear your words of wisdom. You live in an old, beautifully restored house; your library is full of precious and rare books and your study is adorned with classic art.

Your thoughts and pleasure are meditation on the philosophical and spiritual wisdom of the masters of old.



Your Destiny or Ultimate Goal: This is your desired lifetime accomplishment. It is a key to a useful and happy life, and to feeling fulfillment during your latter days.


Number: 8

Your destiny is accomplishment that gives you authority, money, recognition, and/or professional position. Fulfilling your destiny depends much on your determination, knowledge of life and its spiritual relationships, and financial effort. Personal satisfaction is greatest when you accomplish your goals while having the good of others in mind.

Depending on education and experience, you are comfortable with finances, an effective leader, a master on all levels of management, and an authority on business. You are most successful with big business, and you nearly always win when you keep your broad outlook and admit no limitations. People respect you and turn to you for decisions. You have great potential as an executive.

You are attractive, strong, efficient, dominant, sociable, and inclined to pomp and display.



Your Life's Path: Here are clues to what fate has in store for you. It indicates the type of encounters, events, and opportunities you are likely to experience along your physical life path.



Number: 8

Your path is along commercial activity and organization, business affairs, positions of authority, and management of people. Your goals are reached most easily by cultivating a large outlook, refusing all limitation, and using your authority and power wisely.

You are a natural leader and a natural executive. Your ability to lead is limited only by your range of education and experience. You are able to deal well with the practical and material things of life, including judicious accumulation and use of money.

Your opportunities lie with fulfilling the needs of organization, efficiency, effective handling of personnel, and expressing your executive abilities. Large corporations and organizations appeal to you.



This Year's Path: Here is what you are likely to encounter this year -- your feelings, your predominant perspective, and the type of situations, circumstances, and opportunities you tend to attract during the calendar year.


Number: 3

This is the year to express your inspiration, your imagination, your creative thought, and your deep emotional feelings. You desire to do more entertaining this year and accept more invitations. Take time off to enjoy yourself.

You can give color and warmth to all levels of living. Be artistic. Express yourself joyfully. Now is the time to follow those inspirational and imaginative ideas you are so excited about. Follow your desire for self-improvement; the year is rich with opportunities for inner growth.

It is a colorful and eventful year, with pleasure, opportunities for travel, enjoyable social activities, and entertainment coming your way.

Allow your abundance of cheer and optimism to guide you.



Next Year's Path:


Number: 22

This is a practical year; no long leisurely periods for dreaming, personal indulgence, or careless living. It is a time to build the firm and secure foundation upon which your future depends, using practical values and steady application. It is also the time to work out the details of that project you've been thinking about.

The year opens the door to a greater understanding of your soul purpose. It presents opportunities to serve on a larger scale.

This is the year to find where you stand in life, and to be practical about it -- to pay attention to details; no time for careless living. This is your chance, with hard work and specific orientation, to do something big for yourself and for the good of the world. It is the year to put your dreams to practical use.

This year demands a lot of work, not only to improve the present but also to build practical foundations for the future. Your diligence brings commensurate rewards. With good sense, you can meet all requirements and experience satisfactory gain.

Your gatherings, meetings, parties, and trips are mostly related to work or business. Read the fine print of all transactions.

As part of the practical focus of this year, attend to health matters.



Last Year's Path:



Number: 2

Harmonious associations are very important for you this year. The year's success and good results will be obtained through diplomacy, cooperation, tactfulness, and good relationships. It is a year for receiving and sharing rather than aggressively pursuing your own way.

Your intuition and emotions are enhanced this year.

It is a busy year, with endless demands on your time. It is easier to work with others rather than doing things by yourself.

Your plans and developments may experience periods of delay. No need to worry about that. Things move slower this year.

The year can revitalize your peace of mind. It is a good time to strengthen your friendships.

This is why I hate pink

What color is your soul painted? Pink Your soul is painted the color pink, which embodies the characteristics of love, friendship, compassion, femininity, relaxation, ability to overcome evil, honor, morality, general success, gratitude, appreciation, admiration, sympathy, health, and marriage. Pink falls under the element of Air, and is symbolic of gentle emotions and of emotional unions. Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

I may faint now

Flickr, MySpace, MSNing, those were good Internet stuff I used to make use of. Time passed by and I got really tired of them. Last week, when I was gmail-chatting with Fernando - an ex-college mate who actually became journalist - I found out last.fm. He knew I was going to like it. He knows me well. That is exactly what I needed to see on the www. At last.fm I can listen to anything I want or don't want or musicians I like and dislike. Plus, anyone is able to learn more about any unknown artist which is unbelievable. Along with that web-radio, I've been taking advantage of this site www.music-map.com by searching related artists and from there I create my own playlist at last.fm. I am so enjoying these two webspots. The cool thing about last.fm is that you don't need to create those glittery profiles like some girly MySpaceS or write those stupid things about yourself such as "I am nice. write poor poetry. study literature. dance to music, sometimes drink red wine. tall, thin, charming, sometimes eloquent... iada" coz the music we listen to can widely say a lot about ourselves. I am delighted for having found that radio network site. I may faint now coz I am logging on right where I've always wanted to.

Extra extra SIDE MENU

Extra extra

My blogging life is extra busy. I own a mysterious number of blogs. However, I like this one much better. This blog is my oldest and my dearest one for sure.

I decided to start this blogspot in October, 2004, because I needed a special webplace to practice my English writings, copy and paste my favorite web reads, and vent every now and then about everyday matters. English language isn't my mother tongue.

No, it is not. I speak Portuguese on a daily basis. Brazil is the country where I live and in here people speak only this language. Really, there aren't any Spanish speakers in this territory. Or better saying, there are some but they are either tourists that can't speak the local language or foreigners who live next door. Some Bolivian, Uruguayan, and Argentinean do move to Brazil in order to start up a more financially successful life. Luckily, most of them are able to make it.

And ironically, Brazilians do move out to start up a better life in European countries or they go to the USA, Canada, or even Australia.

I myself lived in Florida for a while though my trip was part of an exchange program. I went to the US to achieve a college degree. And I did. I studied Liberal Arts in a community college in Saint Petersburg, Pinellas County (Tampa Bay area). I had also taken another college degree course in Brazil before moving to Uncle Sam's land. I hold a bachelor's degree in Journalism from UEL (Universidade Estadual de Londrina).

Another interesting fact of my life is that my present occupation is not actually based on writing or arts per se. I teach ESL for a living (English as a Second Language). Never would I imagine becoming a teacher in this life. Well, maybe I should have since my both parents are ESL teachers. My husband manages an ESL school and teaches English as well. We live along with a Siamese cat called Tibby. Hubby is called Roberto and my first name is Laila. We have been non officially married for almost 10 years and we have been officially dating since September 1991. Btw, I'm in my early thirties.

Hubby and I have been going through gizillions of ups and downs in this life and yet we keep on moving. We work hard to pay facilities including the broad band Internet wireless connection which allows me blog on.

We do struggle. We do love what we do. I love my writings, my husband, my kitty, my occupation, my blogs. I love being me.
Ms Burden

Good

I'll never have anything published in this country. This is a fact. Well, man... it feels ridiculous to write in Portuguese. Seriously. Although I have not gone that deep in terms of significance with English language, I find it way much easier to bring about any word I need in this language. Every usable word, which has to show up in the back of mind, vanishes in Portuguese. And while I'm writing in English, they are simply there. That may seem stupid since I am a Portuguese speaker, but hey, life is stupid every now and then. I've got an explanation: maybe that is "because extended vocabulary hardly has its place in Brazilian Portuguese modern writing", according to Simone Campos (a Brazilian writer who writes in English just like I do. Better saying, she does not write like I do because her writings are way better than mine. That was a joke and I hope you got that.)

I come from a family whose parents are ESL teachers. By the age of seven I started taking my English as a Second Language course (in Brazil, foreign languages aren't widely required in regular Elementary School curricula). At the age of fourteen I graduated and started helping my parents tutor some of their beginer students. That is when I took a Portuguese language composition course and I acquired interest in writing. I became mesmerized by the mere power of words. And I have been still. I had discovered them even way before that! I wrote my very first poem by the age of 10.

A few years later, in High School (when I was 14 and had been taking that comp course), I would read mature writers for mature readers... Gee! Then I became moved by literature. Hence, I decided to major in Journalism. I innocently believed that that major would make me a real writer. But there, I was not learning all the usable words in their depth. I am pretty sure I learned how to write as a journalist should. Whatever others may have thought of me producing as a journO, it was all stale to me. I lost interest. I wanted to do something different. I wanted to write beyond my own capacity. That's when the other languages come in. "To replenish thy cup of thirstiness for writing." In 1998, I took a plane to the USA and started taking a creative writing college major in St Pete, Florida. That means that I won't ever publish a book in Brazil (period).

Nowadays, I find it really hard to write in my first language. I feel the need to come up with words and shapes. Yes, even shapes. "I have to develop new syntaxes." I many times notice in me a strange habit of writing in Portuguese words as they were mistranslated English ones. Or Japanese. Or Spanish. Or French. Or even German. For I had the chance to interact with Native Speakers of all the above languages cited while living in the USA. I used to feel at ease in that American-Floridian-English world. It's easy to write here on this blog, for example. It's breezy to have "sentences popping out one after another." In Portuguese, "I have to sit and wait. A lot." And the worst part is the final result, which seems so much lame, at least in some ways.

Yesterday, I came across this paragraph on Simone's writing: "Now you're gonna ask me why I detest my poor mother-tongue. Well I love my language. But I can get enough of it. I'm a slut, that is. I'm prostituting with all other tongues. In fact, I write in all of them at the same time, same line. It feels so good." These words had to be in THE PAWNSHOP blog. I could not let them slip through my fingers. Oh Simone...

I haven't given up on my Portuguese writings. As a matter of fact, I still get some really good shit in my language, especially when I deconstruct what may seem not right. It is for sure my coolest (not BEST) way of writing. But when the subject is book publishing, I do believe that my first novel, that very first Laila's fiction book, will come out in English. But the second book will be released in Portuguese(?), Spanish(?), Chinese(?). Who will read me in this country? Oh, man, I am so confusing. I wish I were simpler. There are moments I wish I were a fly or a silver fish. But I was made to be complicated. Or even better, I wish I were a multilingual dictionary. I wish I were also a vintage book. That very book that "exposes today's challenges in an old-fashioned way." I wish I were a pun. I wish I were all words, at least, as many words as can be written and said.

There are days I wake up not feeling well. There are days I get up and wander around my house thinking - 'One more day without making a difference in the universe of words, clauses, exclamations, cited sentences, idiomatic expressions, phrases and so on. One more day without locating my own odd style.' "Variety. That's the word for my style. I'm always playing around. I develop ways. I'm a carver. You can't go and tell me I abandoned my previous style – you just hadn't seen all of it, love. If I wanted to bestsell, it was easy. I'd just have to write in English, then translate. But until now I had been tied up by the language "of my own" - I write around it." Oh, Simone! I'm in love with your words.

My waking life feels as though it's all fiction. I can't believe that I am able to exist outside my mind. Many lives do exist inside our collective minds. People do not realize that somehow. I create and recreate characters in me because many times I am not capable to carve them into words. I act as if I were somebody else. Trouble is, I think I'm dreaming too much and living too little. When I come across difficulties in life, I usually say: 'God, just leave me out of this bad dream!'

I find myself in actual dreams in which I am still dreaming but I clearly feel as if I am awake. Then I see myself through the eyes of someone else in those dreams. I tell myself then: 'You're sleeping and soon we'll have to wake up, so enjoy this moment to the fullest. Then the dream is almost over and I feel like waking up, but I force to put me into that dream again. And now I'm working still in the dream. I'd like to wake up. Difficult thing. I have been mastering a weird technique of traveling into the dreams I normally have since I was a little kid. I am very much afraid that, one day, this technique won't work anymore. I want to hold this particular ability of placing and replacing me into good and bad dreams forever.

Simone has also put these words on the dreaming subject which I think it is so worthy reading: "I had always had the theory that the line between my conscious and subconscious mind was not that thick. I could always remember what I dreamed with an amazing amount of detail. When I dreamt I knew it was a dream and I had a real life to get back to - and I'd even learn to tell the difference, within time. But that was only the you're-not-that-postal part. Sometimes I could see places I had dreamt of repeat themselves in real life, sometimes I'd write fiction and tiny details of it subsequently came real in a quite haunting way. Things were escaping into life and I'm sorry that they do. But now apparently what I want is to escape life, because somehow, I'm not really sure that I woke up today."

"I had always had the theory that the line between my conscious and subconscious mind was not that thick," THIS READS SO RIGHT. But there is one tiny little thing that I can't agree with Simone and it starts from here: The subjects and matters of my writings (Laila's writings) do not mostly come from dreams I've had though. They are built in my awareness. The reveries which I sense in my waking like are molded as words, my own words, my multilingual dictionaries, puns, clauses, exclamations and phrases. My characters, poems, settings, and plots are originated in the deepest of my traumas which emerge in real life, in the eye of the swirl of my observational fluids. My literature is born and killed on blank sheets of paper or blank computer screens. Yeah. But in English. Sure that I won't ever publish anything in this lame country. Damn Portuguese!

Ms Burden

PS: Whatever is between "", it means those words were borrowed from SIMONE CAMPOS.

Extra extra

My blogging life is extra busy. I own a mysterious number of blogs. However, I like this one much better. This blog is my oldest and my dearest one for sure. I decided to start this blogspot in October, 2004, because I needed a special webplace to practice my English writings, copy and paste my favorite web reads, and vent every now and then about everyday matters. English language isn't my mother tongue. No, it is not. I speak Portuguese on a daily basis. Brazil is the country where I live and in here people speak only this language. Really, there aren't any Spanish speakers in this territory. Or better saying, there are some but they are either tourists that can't speak the local language or foreigners who live next door. Some Bolivian, Uruguayan, and Argentinean do move to Brazil in order to start up a more financially successful life. Luckily, most of them are able to make it. And ironically, Brazilians do move out to start up a better life in European countries or they go to the USA, Canada, or even Australia. I myself lived in Florida for a while though my trip was part of an exchange program. I went to the US to achieve a college degree. And I did. I studied Liberal Arts in a community college in Saint Petersburg, Pinellas County (Tampa Bay area). I had also taken another college degree course in Brazil before moving to Uncle Sam's land. I hold a bachelor's degree in Journalism from UEL (Universidade Estadual de Londrina). Another interesting fact of my life is that my present occupation is not actually based on writing or arts per se. I teach ESL for a living (English as a Second Language). Never would I imagine becoming a teacher in this life. Well, maybe I should have since my both parents are ESL teachers. My husband manages an ESL school and teaches English as well. We live along with a Siamese cat called Tibby. Hubby is called Roberto and my first name is Laila. We have been non officially married for almost 10 years and we have been officially dating since September 1991. Btw, I'm in my early thirties. Hubby and I have been going through gizillions of ups and downs in this life and yet we keep on moving. We work hard to pay facilities including the broad band Internet wireless connection which allows me blog on. We do struggle. We do love what we do. I love my writings, my husband, my kitty, my occupation, my blogs. I love being me.

Ms Burden

PS: I haven't checked the news on the latest airplane crash in Brazil but I can assure you that that flying in this country has never EVER been that scary before.

On a Brazilian airplane crash which happened on 17/07/2007

Last Updated: Wednesday, 18 July 2007, 13:14 GMT 14:14 UK

E-mail this to a friend Printable version

Brazilian plane crash 'kills 200'

The plane skidded across a main road before hitting a fuel depot
A passenger plane has crashed and burst into flames at Brazil's busiest airport, in the heart of Sao Paulo, killing up to 200 people.
Rescue crews said none of the 186 people on board the Airbus A320 could have survived, while more people were killed on the ground.

The TAM airliner skidded off the runway as it landed in wet weather, shot over a busy road and hit a fuel depot.

Concerns had been raised about the safety of the runway during heavy rain.

There had been persistent, heavy downpours in the two hours before the accident.


See where and how crash unfolded
TAM Express flight 3054 was carrying 186 passengers and crew when it attempted to land at Congonhas airport, which is mainly used for regional flights from other parts of Brazil and South America.


All of a sudden I heard a loud explosion, and the ground beneath my feet shook

Elias Rodrigues Jesus
TAM employee


In pictures: Brazil crash
'Everything exploded'
Symbol of air chaos
Crash resonates

The plane was travelling to Sao Paulo, Brazil's financial capital, from Porto Alegre in the south of the country.

After touching down on the main runway at 1850 (2150 GMT) on Tuesday, the jet began to skid and then dropped down a steep slope at the end of the runway.

It then shot over a major road and crashed into a four-storey building used for storing cargo and fuel.

The warehouse was busy with airport workers, some of whom had to jump out of windows.

The plane's tail could later be seen sticking out from the building in flames.

Fires were still burning hours after the crash, with black smoke trailing off into the night sky.

An eyewitness, TAM employee Elias Rodrigues Jesus, said the plane exploded after slamming into the depot.

"All of a sudden I heard a loud explosion, and the ground beneath my feet shook," he told the Associated Press news agency.

"I looked up and I saw a huge ball of fire, and then I smelled the stench of kerosene and sulphur."

A doctor at Sao Paulo's mortuary said 30 badly charred bodies had been brought in.

Sao Paulo State Governor Jose Serra said: "I was told that the temperature inside the plane was 1,000C [1,830F], so the chances of there being any survivors are practically nil."

President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva declared three days of national mourning for the victims.

Safety concerns

The weather had been bad for much of the day and there has been concern for some time about safety at Congonhas during heavy rain.

On Monday, a smaller plane skidded off the runway onto the nearby grass in similar conditions.

In February, a judge briefly banned three types of large passenger jet from using the runway because it was too short to accommodate them, and because of concerns over the airport's drainage system

Pilots had complained that water was pooling on the surface of the landing strip, making braking difficult and occasionally causing planes to skid out of control.

Remedial work, including laying a new surface, has been carried out in recent months.

Air safety in Brazil has been a major issue since a crash last year when a passenger plane collided with an executive jet over the Amazon, killing some 154 people.

DOIS

Good day. How now. Lives shit. Bit lippy. Me sir. All mouth. No sir. Wonderful teeth. Think so. All black. What say. Black decay. Say again. Death rattle. No drugs. Fine coquette. What the. Silence now. No trouble. None given. Queer sort. Could be. Think so. Lovely pins. Look see. Higher higher. Like them. Fine pair. Legs fool. I was. Cheeky bugger. Maybe later. You devil. How much. Ten pound. Bloody hell. Heaven inside. Heaven say. Cozy warm. Cozy vacuum. Tight me. I bet. You bet. I bet. Feel feel. Later later. Pay taste. How much. Twelve pound. Piss take. Come come. Thats it. Pluck me. I intend. You do. I do. Fancy that. Fancy that. Not here. Not here. No eyes. The police. The pimps. Around nearby. Dirty agora. What now. Fancy Greek. Clever once. Was once. Lets go. Go where. Just follow. A second. Come come. Where again. Over there. Behind here. Follow me. Follow you. Hurry hurry. All feet. Right here. Nice pair. Thank you. Very nice. Touch them. Love to. Well well. Very nice. Real babies. No lie. The truth. Bloody spectacular. Too hard. Sorry love. Thats fine. Next time. Go again. Of course. Lovely doxy. Thank you. Nice bristols. Again thanks. Little stiff. Keep playing. Red cherries. Thats it. Lovely nips. Keep playing. Hard soon. I feel. Keep going. My wrist. Feels good. Lovely tits. Hard now. Rock hard. Lovely cock. Thank you. Bag it. You do. Like this. No mouth. Kinky bugger. Thats it. Extra tenner. Bloody thief. Like this. Dont stop. Twenty pound. Feels wonderful. Dirty boy. Keep saying. Bad boy. Berate me. Berate you. Berate more. Stinky pipe. More more. Cheesy tube. O yes. Big cock. More more. Lovely cock. Repeat repeat. Lovely cock. In mouth. Yes deep. Bloody bitch. Dirty bitch. what now. Good shag. Not Standing. Of course. Bad back. No lying. The truth. Lie down. Ill ride. Dirty cowgirl. Love it. Remove underwear. I will. Nice draws. Thank you. Close shave. Only way. No crabs. Don’t jest. Just laved. Clean me. Hope so. You also. Clean whistle. Hard blower. Love it. Big hard. Can’t wait. Get down. Touch first. Cheeky bugger. Real deal. No man. See that. Lovely jewel. Not battered. Nice tight. Waiting waiting. Slow down. Moneys time. Bloody capitalist. What what. Fifty pound. Thank you. Lovely crack. The dawn. The night. All clammy. For you. Been busy. Your touch. Many cocks. Your finger. Slips in. I’m waiting. I tell. Down there. A puddle. Shag yes. Of course. Well then. Ok ok. Thats it. Lovely cock. Hold it. I am. Sit down. Slow slow. O tease. Love it. I do. I know. I do. I know. I do. Ready now. Inside you. It will. Lips closing. Bloody beautiful. Sixty pound. Seventy pound. Here goes. An oven. All yours. On fire. Best cunt. The best. The best. Ever had. Up down. Down up. Too fast. Too slow. O god. Love it. I do. Dirty bastard. And Again. Filthy shit. Slap me. I will. That hurt. Again again. Yes yes. Here goes. Closer closer. Deeper deeper. Big cock. My hetaera. What say. You are. I am. My bitch. Yes yes. Love cock. Thick big. Dirt box. More more. Thousand cocks. Million cocks. Semen rivers. Pouring out. Big bucket. Your bucket. Filthy cave. Fill me. Come me. Yes come. Inside you. Inside me. Feel them. I will. Touch them. Love to. Well well. Very nice. Real babies. No lie. The truth. Bloody fabulous. Too hard. Sorry love. Thats fine. Next time. Go again. Of course. Lovely doxy. Thank you. Nice bristols. Again thanks. Little stiff. Keep playing. Red cherries. That’s it. Lovely nips. Keep playing. Come soon. I feel. Keep going. My money. Soon promise. Lovely tits. Lovely cock. Kiss me. No chance. No kiss. No way. Why not. Don’t do. What what. Can’t do. Tongue fight. No no. Bloody hell. Going soft. It cant. I feel. Keep up. Like this. Hard again. It is. Told you. You did. Never fail. I feel. Beautiful beautiful. Like this. Yes yes. And this. Yes yes. Close you. Yes yes. I feel. Spit spit. On you. Me face. Dirty phlegm. Cough up. Like this. Deeper deeper. What like. The gut. The gut. The bile. Me bile. Your puke. Me puke. Your turds. Me turds. Sick fuck. O yes. Bloody hell. I know. You ready. Spit away. Another one. More snot. Ill try. Hurry hurry. Close now. So close. Here comes. Come here. More spit. Ok ok. Bloody hell. Feel it. Shooting up. Deep inside. Warm inside. Extremely warm. Belly bloated. To bursting. A fart. What say. So good. You were. Thank you. Thank you. So money. O yes. Twenty pound. You said. Yes but. No but. Fifteen now. Fifteen no. Think so. Here take. Bloody bastard. Hope not. What say. No bastard. Tubes tied. Thank god.
By Paul Kavanagh

On Mayakovsky-kind of Love

Past one o’clock. You must have gone to bed.
The Milky Way streams silver through the night.
I’m in no hurry; with lightning telegrams
I have no cause to wake or trouble you.
And, as they say, the incident is closed.
Love’s boat has smashed against the daily grind.
Now you and I are quits. Why bother then
To balance mutual sorrows, pains, and hurts.
Behold what quiet settles on the world.
Night wraps the sky in tribute from the stars.
In hours like these, one rises to address
The ages, history, and all creation.

 

TRIAL #1

Some poets are really good at saying about love... like Mayakovsky did.

I ain't that good at writing, however I will give it a try here.

Love is a damn weird feeling

Sometimes I doubt its existence

It is not visible

No one can truly reach it

It is only felt and even those who feel it cannot be sure if that is what it is supposed to be

It is uncertain and rich

It is constructive and overwhelming

It is just needed to be accepted when it is meant to be

 

TRIAL #2
Last night, I dreamed of you
You came and took a piece of me
You came and could step on the same floor I was on
Your face was vague though, but I knew it was you
I barely talked to you
All I did was stare at your back
You even invited me for dinner
It was time for the real me to get up then
There was no dinner but you had that special piece of me
You carried along and kept
Can't wait to shut my eyes again
Can't wait to share the same floor and twilight room
I'll be sitting at a table, talking to a waiter:
"Bring me black coffee and a brunch skillet... Ah! And don't wake me up till I say so!"

What makes me think I'm special?

I am over thirty and still can crack up about it.
I am beyond bounderies within me
I am able to chew gum and yet I get words out right
I am powerful and I can prove it
I can be whoever I want to in my night and daydreams
I can meet whoever I want to as well
I am not sophisticated though
Sophistication kills any type of magic
I delete anger and do not hold grudges
I would pull the trigger but I am not so sure I'd hit the bull's eye
I am such a complicated earthling that not even I restrain me
I can spit or swallow as long as it won't poison me
I am aware of my potential of editing and putting together only the worthwhile of this life
I am an euphemism for dissection
I am barbaric in the bathroom
I gulp vodka as if it were water
I fold clothes like monkeys and humanize like any mammal could do
I copy creatively. I cry non-...
I am not a weirdo - "Believe me" - I just suffer from overcast delusions
I am pretty normal if you really get to know me inside out.

Time Does Fly

It super flies... Well, just yesterday was I reading this post by Amanda Palmer and once again I located some words that I could connect a great deal. It is weird and feels weird the fact the I now can download Dead Kennedys and Toy Dolls entire discography without leaving my place. Hubby was just saying that a couple of minutes ago while I was reading Amanda's post on wrinkling. Before internet came along, we had to order CDs or Long Plays through magazine catalogs. Then, we'd make zillions of K7 copies and give out to friends. Besides, It was almost impossible to get those band's merchandise too. Therefore, we used to come up with crafty band T-shirts, pins, or even stickers.

I am aware that Amanda vented on 'beauty loss' that shows up attached to the aging fact and he, Roberto, was retrieving how hard it was to get underground music and all the extras such as stickers, shirts, and taped concerts prior internet. I myself add these two issues and form only one subject: we are all a bunch of BIG OLD THIRTIES and we shouldn't be prouder of that. Now, right at this fine moment, here I am typing on a digital diary while my Husband is sitting at the other corner playing Counter Strike and listening to Jello Biafra. And Amanda? She's probably somewhere else up in Europe eating some pasta and checking out teenagers having fun on the streets.

I can't desguise that aging is a hell of an issue to me. Although, I get really really scared when the idea of having babies crosses my mind. Having babies would validate my personal aging process. I do not feel ready at all, even though I am 31 already. Yeah! I am a 31-year-old "healthy" lady that could make a good mother. Iada, iada, iada... Today's world is too screwed up to add more human beings on it... Don't know... really... I am very doubtful on that matter. And besides that, would I be able to parent well after all? Everyone says that women naturally take over this thing but it is pretty uncertain, mysterious, and creepy though. I can't even say where all this scary feeling comes from anyway... Maybe it is coming from Hubby's speakers... LOL

You know you're getting old... We all are and there is nothing better than laughter to get over the wrinklish faces we see on our pictures. I am turning into a senior and I am so sure that there won't ever be such a sexy lady like me... LOL that is how I sense my elderly figure: an old woman wearing mini-skirt, showing off thousands of 'deformed' tattoos, riding on a Harley Davidson, and her hair up dyed in several funky colors.

Here's a list to check and see if you're getting too old:

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does.
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to You, and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

I got this list from this site: http://www.electricscotland.com/. The reason that has made me log on this site is that I pretty much dream of visiting Scotland someday and... I was wondering... Does that dream make me look old too? Ha!

Well... coming back from the supermarket this afternoon (grocery shopping on a Sunday is definitely oldies' fun... DO I CARE? Guess not). So, as I was saying, while coming back from the supermarket I could notice that we aren't that old yet. We had in our shopping kart 3 packs of cookies, 1 Dulce de Leche, 2 bottles of cheap Cabernet wine, 12 cans of beer, 9 packs of 3 condoms each, a pocketbook copy of Kafka's 'The Metamorphosis', and a pot of coffee ice cream. That was our grocery for the week...

Yeah, we are definitely not old yet.

Found this post somewhere in my past...

There is so much selfishness in life. Exaggerated selfishness can be destructive sometimes. It can kill many other feelings. Joining forces - gathering minds, or really the attitude of holding hands - in its purest purpose -- can be placed under doubt. People don't trust one another anymore therefore they don't think quite possible caring for someone else in its most truthful way.

The lack of selfishness would be the acceptance for being altruistic.

I agree that there is a big difference between choosing to be altruistic and feeling altruistic. It is my hope that others will feel altruistic as a result of their own understanding of themselves. Even though I am aware of the altruistic feeling, I don't so much choose to be altruistic, but instead I acknowledge and understand the feeling for both what it is and its possible effects.

If one just 'tolerates' people's differences, then is he/she not just remaining ignorant? In fact, it isn't even that important that we know any of our similarities or differences, but instead that we have a mindset of openeness when it comes to experiencing and becoming aware of them - and therefore wouldn't we be aware of each other's feelings?

Yes, one of the SOLUTIONS is elimination the fear of the unknown. In fact, this is directly related to how we deal with differences and selfishness. Each difference has its own degree of fear. Each fear has its own POWER to block the will to dive into the unknown!

That is why is needed to take some time to get into self-awareness which isn't only the understanding of oneself, but also the understanding of others, and of the environment which IDEAS can be found. There is a deepness to existence. It seems obvious to me that the understanding of ourselves is an effect of society. You can increase your awareness, but still remain in this effect. There is much more to explore. Understanding is a feeling, and words are just words, although they tell about feelings.

One should try harder to hold hands!
That one is in fact ME.

There are two special moments in life. The times when you are thinking about it, and every second in between. I see awareness in any of those times as I am always thinking about my existence. Now it's time to steer the ship based on the feelings and understandings generated by my thoughts...

My kids are simply awesome:

Blabbing...

1. I've been working so hard that I literally thought that tomorrow would be Saturday. I've been also reading a nice book written by a teenage Brazilian writer. Her name's Mayra Dias Gomes and the book, Fugalaça. She's now 19 years old but when she finished up this book she was only 16. It is amazing the way she was able to connect words and make up one-of-a-kind metaphors. It made me reconsider my own way of writing my literary projects. How come a 31-year-old teacher is not getting there the same way? Am I that sad as a writer? That is a dangerous query. I lack vocabulary in my own language. This is something I cannot hide. I don't read much in Portuguese. That is my major problem. Without reading Brazilian or Portuguese authors, it is quite hard to nail a written project in that language.

2. In the deepest sense, you've got nothing special to read about me for now. Well... That is what there's to read...: I've got new things to say in matters of material gains. Right here, in the back of my mind, there is this image of myself being a young boy getting his first bike for Christmas. I am truly facing an ear-to-ear smile for having gotten the best x-mas gift ever. That is the feeling I have been having when I notice my very first laptop - all for myself - heating up underneath my hands. It does not get as hot as Roberto's new HP Pavillion, though. My ACER ASPIRE is just perfect for my needs. I got it not for Christmas. It was more like a Valentine's present - Valentine's Day is celebrated on June 12th, in Brazil. It was a way to seal my commitment on finishing up my both books - the poetry and fiction ones.

At the moment I've got, materialistic speaking, what it takes to end my projects. Now, I only need to find time for those activities - Eaaaaasy... LOL Ha!

3. I've seen 'Hard Candy'. I guess it was pretty proper to have watched that movie since I've been reading a 16-year-old author book lately. I mentioned it in the first paragraph above. Teens have made my main topics for discussions among adults. I teach teens. I am not so sure if I have ever passed over this stage in my life yet. Roberto was saying, just yesterday, that we cannot have kids for a while since we do love purchasing teenage things, since we play computer games, log on sites for hours on weekends, since we blog (well, just me...), since we care for consuming and trying out new things. We do appreciate experimenting what the market is able to bring us. It is true that we do not roll in money, therefore we cannot afford EVERYTHING that is out there... However, we place our comfort and entertainment needs in first place. We'd rather keep being able to get all those things than having babies. To have children costs a lot. They demand time and they last too long. Ha! Ha!

Roberto and I are in our early thirties. We do feel and behave like teenagers. And I am pretty sure that many of you do too.

4. This year, we've accomplished something that I am way proud of. Our yard/garden looks a lot better now. Honestly, I've never mentioned any of these things in here before, but our front yard plants were dying and don't let me get started on the interior conditions of the house (this house we live in is over 60 years old). Our both bathrooms and roof needed some renovations... We got all these things done this fall. Our both 'johns' look awesome. Our roof top resembles something better. Our garden has gone through some severly changes too. No more lawn. We have replaced the lawn by small rocks. We have also planted exotic bushes and 'possible trees'.

Actually, it was a gardening company that helped us on that matter. Regardless, our front yard is 10,000 times more appealing. We've placed a bench on it too... Man! It is just like heaven. The funny thing is that it wasn't "Robert Smith" the responsible for all those changes... Ha! Ha! Ha!

ASAP - Awesome School Annoying Projects

I love school environment. I am so glad I own, live, and teach in one. Very often, I catch myself searching YouTube videos on school projects. I've foung this one. Man, it's lovely. It's annoying, but nicely done. I keep watching it over and over till my eyes sting and bleed. Oh dear God! I admire these young individuals in a very strange way. How terrifying High School kids are to me! Their mood swings scare me like hell. Besides, they talk as if they have lived for decades. Their self-confidence is very inspiring though. No one can explain why I am so attracted by teen crime literature and school video projects... Maybe because I think I am a teenager trapped in an adult's body... Or maybe because I'm actually interested in myself... Who knows?

THAT'S AN AWESOME VIDEO, CHEESY, BUT AWESOME!!!

The Mysterious Corpus Christi

I normally have time to write new posts here only when there is holiday. Yesterday, June 7th, was an example. We celebrated Corpus Christi. Nobody worked or went to school because of it. The funny thing to me about this holiday is that I may be Christian, but I am not really catholic, so why should I have celebrated it? I say again: "I may be Christian" but I don't see why I (me, Laila) have got to celebrate it.

I was taught Christianism principles at school and home, and, I live in a catholic country - at least that is what encyclopedias say about Brazil. I personally think that most people down here have protestant beliefs rather than catholic, anyway. Fewer and fewer Brazilian families attend masses and to make it worse, I developed a public survey myself last week regarding Corpus Christi day and nobody knew how to answer a tiny little query. The question was very simple: "What do we celebrate on Corpus Christi?". Most answered: "I don't know!" or "We celebrate the "body of Christ". What? What's that? Whose body? Just kidding.

Since not many could explain to me what the holiday is about, I had to research on it myself. And here it is what I've found: Corpus Christi is the celebration of the Holy Sacrament or Eucharist. "Most Christians classify the Eucharist as a sacrament. Some Protestants view it as an ordinance in which the ceremony is seen not as a specific channel of divine grace but as an expression of faith and of obedience to Christ."*** From the earliest times, the followers of Jesus had a sense of His continuing presence with them as they gave thanks, broke bread, and shared it, together with a cup of wine - the Sacrament.

Besides that, Corpus Christi is a celebration of theology; how Catholics understand what Christians believe. The Feast of Corpus Christi began in the late Middle Ages not only as a service of special recognition and thanks for the gift of Jesus's Presence with humanity in the "Sacrament of the Altar", but as a service which emphasized a particular way of understanding the nature of that Presence, an understanding then later called "trans-substantiation."

This theory provides one particular explanation of how Jesus is present in the sacrament -- the being or "substance" of the physical bread and wine is actually changed, overtaken by the spiritual presence, so that what looks to us like bread -- the same as before the prayer of consecration -- is now in actuality the flesh of Jesus. It appears to us as bread, but that's an illusion -- what seems to us as bread is Really flesh. Of course, according to this theological theory.

Understanding or not this religious holiday is a matter of choice. What I will never understand is why people who aren't catholic, like me, have to celebrate something that we barely understand what it is. And the worst, why don't catholics in this country understand it either? And one more thought: Brazilian culture covers more religions, then why don't we celebrate Native or African-Brazilian beliefs as well? How come we don't?

***Wikipedia

Just a little trivia about me...

I am from São Paulo (Brazil). Hence, I’m stressful and cannot 'samba'.
I despise Bossa Nova, soccer, and carnival.
I have a problem saying 'yes' or 'no'... I stick with 'maybe'.
Narrow-minded people cannot understand me.
I have an excellent memory for names.
I barely like music. I mostly care for books and movies.
I’ve carried the same pens in my pencil case for twelve years.
I cook very well but I’m lazy.
I love deli platters.
I like Christina Applegate.
I collect coins from different countries.
I love helping my friends if there is something I can do.
I don't retaliate - simply can't.
I love colors.
I can’t stand work associates that set up plots to get themselves better positions or a mere raise.
I am never punctual.
I fear driving. I fear sitting on the passanger's side too.
I don't spend loads on books, but I do splurge on second-hand ones.
I hate people with no sense of humor.
I don't give alms but I monthly donate money to some institutions.
I love Thelonius Monk.
I listen to Muddy Waters.
I've got no patience for Janis Joplin.
I complain a lot.
I hate when others think my mother tongue is Spanish and the capital of my country is Buenos Aires - I'll shoot any person who has ever thought of that. I mean it.
I know how to say ‘I’m sorry’ and I do say it millions of times.
I do not download either music or movies for I don't know how to.
I don’t know how to hold grudges.
I love animals, mostly cats. Though, never would I become vegetarian in order to protect their lives. I simply don't think this is the way.
I don’t care for money.
I live in Caxias do Sul (Rio Grande do Sul state - Brazil), in a school painted yellow, blue, orange, and brown.
I don't correct all tests and compositions myself. For that, I've hired Vanessa - my caring secretary, helper, student, and friend.
I love working out but I'm very lazy.
I like autobiographies.
I hate knickknacks. I love Pollack.
I loathe washing dishes.
I sometimes need to be alone.
I hate soccer. I'd rather watch sepaktakraw.
I'd rather root for a hockey team.
I don’t know how to play cards.
I would love to know how to sing.
I would like to play softball.
I love Munch.
I drink too much coffee.
I don’t like air conditioner.
My mother says I am pretty crazy. My sisters say it too.
I’m gluttonous.
I hate baby blue and all pinks.
I love Clarice Lispector.
I know how to play the piano.
I play it terribly.
I have lovely hands. Unfortunately, I never have them manicured.
I've never watched "ET" but I've already watched the documentary "EARTHLINGS".
I collect self-portraits of myself.
I barely recognize people on the phone by their voices.
I can’t stand stinginess.
I hate Goddard.
I love Fassbinder.
I don't hate Mondrian.
I love Frida Kahlo.
I don’t like good taste.
I hate needles.
I am very hairy.
I love Gisele Büdchen.
I detest making beds. I love the feeling of having them made.
I love Camembert and Gouda cheese.
Fashion pretty much sucks, in my opinion.
I have never known what to say in the presence of celebrities.
My friends say I am a lot crazy.
No more desktop PCs for me. I have finally got a laptop of my own. My book writing process will be less traumatizing. Now I can type whenever and wherever I want to.
I have always been happily in love.
I love Marlon Brando, Brian Molko, Jake Gyllenhaal, and River Phoenix.
I love my father too. He's a freaking good grammarian.
I can’t live without make-ups.
I loathe Amélie Poulain.
I hate experimental art. I do believe this is a cheap excuse for poor art making and understanding.
I sleep less than I would like to.
I hate mystifyng people.
I don’t like trivial mysteries.
I despise phony people... well... not so much!
I love stripes.
I've already given shelter to trespassers and outcasts.
I’d already stopped eating meat, but not for too long.
I believe in many superstitions.
I like John Lydon.
I crave sushi and sashimi all the time.
I have already wanted to have children.
When I was a child, I loved birthday parties, not for the presents, but because I'd use the gift wraps to draw or write on them.
I don’t like TV.
I love my back.
I love laughing at myself.
I have a soft spot for junkies.
I love burgers.
While living in the US, I loved dining at Benningan's, Steak n' Shake, Outback Steakhouse, Applebee's, and Wendy's.
I hate hip hop celebrities.
My students say I am way crazy.
I despise people who take themselves too seriously.
I hate aristocrats.
I can’t live without Alfredo sauce.
I like to listen to New Order, Cure, Cocteau Twins, David Bowie, and Stoogies.
I am so not disciplined.
I truly want to visit Bangkok and Singapore.
I envy cats.
I love Fernando Pessoa.
I love hot bright colors.
I hate being tested in matters of fun, in account of stupidness.
I love Lebanese food.
I can’t stand malls and fashion designers' stores.
When I lived in Florida, I loved shopping at TJ Maxx, Staples, and Burdines.
I hate people fascinated by fame.
I love Sebastião Salgado's photos.
I want to write very simple and profound poems.
I want to know what life on this planet is for.
I love Andy Warhol.
I am very short.
I postpone very important decisions.
My shoe size is 36 (Brazil) and 5 1/2(USA).
I have an autograph by Hilary Swank. I met her in NYC.
I love wine.
I like I-dosers.
I've got two college degrees.
I make my living out of something I've never studied for.
I don’t know how to say about my feelings. I'd rather write it.
I love silent flicks.
I want to own many many colorful All Stars.
I love trying exotic food.
I love Mário Bortolotto.
I despise real or fake rich people who look down on others.
I love different shades of green.
I like Adidas shoes.
I love Paul Klee.
I love Kandinsky.
I always say "f#ck".
I really enjoy watching thriller movies.
I sleep in every weekend.
I am too much generous.
I love Rosa Parks.
I've already been on a TV cooking show. I made 'shepherd's pie'.
I’m mad about sunflowers.
I’ve been head over heels in love for seven years, and then, only then my feeling scattered away for some time...
I love Paulo Leminski.
I love Samuel Beckett.
I hate aestheticization.
I hate undue appraisal of folklore.
I like watching myself on video. I hate hearing my voice though.
I love Augusto dos Anjos.
I wish I had a lithography by Miró.
In winter, I never have dinner without wine.
In summer, I never have ice cream without hot fudge.
One day I shall have a llama.
I'd do barbaric things for a better digital camera.
People often say I am crazy.

Vitoria and Teacher's Photo

Editing home videos first trial...

My Chinese Friends

These are Madelene (the baby girl), my Chinese teacher Lucia (the baby's mother), and myself with redish face and eyes 'cause I had just arrived from a chilly and damp weather outdoors. Lucia is originally from Taiwan and has had the chance to live in many other countries such as Thailand, England and France.

I take Chinese lessons on Fridays. I've already learned how to sing a few traditional Chinese songs, how to greet and count till 1000, besides "drawing" the corresponding ideograms for those words and phrases. This is the first time I've ever tried to learn officially an oriental language. I guess I can say that I nail some Japanese for having worked at a Japanese restaurant for 4 1/2 years. There, I dealt with Japanese boss and co-workers. Learning some Japanese was quite a need. Now, it's Chinese time.

As I'm pretty honest, I can't disguise that I did better jobs while taking Spanish and German in the past. French was another language I've already studied but that one wasn't so easy either. I really had a hard time pronouncing those 'RRRRR's and writing with all those "apostrophed" contractions. These things made me insane for I gave up learning it at once. As a matter of fact, I happen to think that drawing Chinese ideograms are a lot simpler.

Now, frankly speaking, Chinese pronunciation is way damn difficult for me. It is made up out of vowels mainly and my mother tongue, which is Portuguese, is pretty much consonantal. Consequently, I have no parameters when trying to blurt some phonemes.

I have never thought of the true reason why I decided to start taking this language as it is quite difficult for me. But I wonder... Maybe it is because I needed to get in touch with a whole new ball game, as it'd be a challenge for myself. Even though it is an utter difficult thing, I'm so doing well with it.