New Color Of Template/Oh Nelson!!! MSN can be very helpful!!!

The "Blue Blackground" was more like ME than I have ever been!!!

I don't know why I picked out blue but I just thought that inside of me something has been happening! So this blue would be the greatest representation of this so-called-THING!!!

Well, changing the template color was a last minute decision - to turn everything blue... So posting a conversation (msn chat) between a student of mine and me would do great for today's entry. "Di" is Sabrina Didoné and Headway is Me - Laila:


-=ÐÎ=- says: hey teacher!!!

headway says: hey

-=ÐÎ=- says: how are you?

headway says: I am fantastic

headway says: I am talking to an Iranian Moviemaker... His names is Mohammed and studies filmmaking in Iran!!!

-=ÐÎ=- says: uhhh, what an amazin' thing!!!

-=ÐÎ=- says: I discovered that Tibby is really no cio

headway says: Thanks! WE DID TOO

headway says: How could you find out???

-=ÐÎ=- says: my dad said the cats always do that

headway says: she's already 5 months

headway says: CIO = HEAT

-=ÐÎ=- says: yeah, she is old, ahahaha

headway says: nope...she's precoce

-=ÐÎ=- says: poor cat...

headway says: Beto acha que ela pode ter ficado pelo excesso de carinho de todos... teorias (Beto (Roberto) thinks that she (Tibby - the cat) is in heat because she is really loved here by all... Theories)

-=ÐÎ=- says: ahahahaha....could be

-=ÐÎ=- says: i can't answer the questions about the movie...I don't know nothing

headway says: hihihihihi

headway says: We are gonna discuss that orally

-=ÐÎ=- says: oh...much better

headway says: nobody needs to write anything

-=ÐÎ=- says: great!!!!! I'm happy now!!!

-=ÐÎ=- says: I saw at your blog that a person wrote a bad comment...what a stupid person!! do you know who could be?

headway says: hihihi yeah

headway says: I know

headway says: I student of mine whois crazy.. his name is Fernando

-=ÐÎ=- says: ohhh...was he just kidding?

headway says: yep... but at first I didn't know it was him so I started offending him

headway says: now it's a big joke

-=ÐÎ=- says: hehehehehe

headway says: he also left a terrible message on Tibby's scrapbook (ORKUT) ... later go there and check it you

headway says: he does that on purpose

headway says: he's about my age... his not a kid

-=ÐÎ=- says: crazy guy

headway says: he's not a kid

headway says: Oh no! I was not talking to the filmmaker from Iran... I am talking to an anthropologist from Pakistan

-=ÐÎ=- says: you talk to so many cool people

headway says: I get confused with those Arabic names

headway says: hihihihihi

-=ÐÎ=- says: hahahah

headway says: I like to be in contact with crazy friends hihihihi

-=ÐÎ=- says: heheheh

headway says: nope... he's not an anthropologist.. he is taking medical school and read about cultures as a hobby

-=ÐÎ=- says: hahahahah

headway says: this guy is very strange

-=ÐÎ=- says: I see

headway says: hihihihi

headway says: after knowing all these people, you are gonna say that YOUR ENGLISH TEACHER is crazy

headway says: ????

headway says: impossible

-=ÐÎ=- says: hehehe

headway says: You know why people think I am crazy????

headway says: people think that We are crazy... right???

-=ÐÎ=- says: sure

headway says: Because we live in a society that blames (condena) HAPPINESS... so they get confused, they mix HAPPINESS with MADNESS!!!! I can't be happy, that would be impossible. It is much more difficult to be happy than be sad. It's more difficult to have accumulated joy thoughts than ideas and experiences of sorrow and disappointments!!!

headway says: wow... I am gonna put that in my blog now

headway says: hihihii

headway says: Sabrina... can I do something that I have never done before???

-=ÐÎ=- says: of course...you're right...very right

-=ÐÎ=- says: do it

headway says: I will post this entire conversation in my blog... ok???

-=ÐÎ=- says: ok, do it...i don't have nothing to ESCONDER, ahahahha

headway says: If you authorize me, of course

headway says: HIDE = Esconder

headway says: Let's leave a message for the one who are going to read this then???

-=ÐÎ=- says: i'll coment there after!!!!!! i love the idea

headway says: I mean... the ONESSSSS

headway says: me too

-=ÐÎ=- says: sure

headway says: It's not my idea indeed. I am copying from another blog that I read a few weeks ago!

-=ÐÎ=- says: heheheh

headway says: At least I am honest

-=ÐÎ=- says: ok, i've already know the message that i'll leave from who will read that on you blog

headway says: go ahead

-=ÐÎ=- says: If you think that I'm crazy, think TWICE: maybe the crazy is you and you just
don't know it. The crazy people are much more happy, and enjoy much more the life. I am not crazy just because I don't like to do the same things of you...Think about it before to blame another people again!!!!!

-=ÐÎ=- says: it's your turn, teacher

headway says: let me see...

headway says: How can I beat this???

headway says: Let me think...

headway says: If your reading this and think I am crazy you are COMPLETELY right

headway says: hihihhi

-=ÐÎ=- says: hahahahah, i loved that

headway says: My mind went blank

headway says: what you said was too amazing for my poor senses

-=ÐÎ=- says: oh no..i can't believe in that...come on...think.....think...ehehehhe

headway says: Sabrina, you and Carol must be Jornalists!!! You girls have brilliant minds!!! I love all my students, Marina, Vanessa, Bruno, Felipe, Fernanda, Viny, Xambi, Dani, Guilherme, Camila, Bernardo, Rafael, Leonardo, Marcelo, Tailine, Lucía, Rayssa, Fernando... yeah even you FERNANDO BALDISSEROTO!!!!!! I like you allllllllllllllllllllllllll

-=ÐÎ=- says: all your students love you too teacher!!!

headway says: Anderson, o outro Guilherme, Marcus Vinícius, Mariana, outra Marina, Giancarlo, DUDA do meuy coração, Rayanne, Viníciu (irmão da Camila), Fernanda Afonso, Marcele, Eriquinho e Bruninho, Miguel, Cristine, Marcos Bassani de Nova Bassano. ( New Bassan ROCKS!!!), Viviane, Thaís Langhi (obrigada por ter vindo ao filme).!!!!

headway says: YEWF!!!!

headway says: I am forgetting the adult students... but then this would go longer

headway says: Let me post now!


The Pakistani guy we were talking about is called Sikandar Ali... I had to go through my ORKUT friend list to make sure about his name. And Mr. Ali, if you reading this, I bet you are shocked!!! HIHIHIHI!!!

At the moment I was editing this post, Doug entered msn, but I had to set as "BUSY" and I hope to talk to you after I finish publishing this...

Have a nice one everyone!

Be careful... you may have it and don't even know it

Ah! Enough of poetry. Oh Gosh, I have been going through some strange moment in my life. Odd symptoms have showed up and this makes obvious the fact that I came down with some kind of sickness. It's pretty weird but I haven't often felt like sleeping, but when I am in bed after trying hard to sleep, I don't feel like getting up. Even when I am hungry, I don't feel like cooking, and when I cook, I don't even think about clearing away the dishes from the table.

I've heard this disorder is called LSD - Lazyness Syndrome Disease. LSD is an illness that not many doctors are able to identify because it is highly contagious, so they shut down their offices even before their patients enter the room.

I found out my problem on Mother's day, a few weeks ago. Guess who didn't call her mother on a so important date like that? Why??? Because of pure lazyness. LSD is gonna kill me someday. I easily find myself dying for a glass of water however getting my ass off the sofa seems sort of an impossible idea. So, I'd rather keep thirsty.

And things keep getting more and more worrying... I am very fond of Internet and I love making friends through this engine, there is no news about it, the problem LSD has brought me can be seen on my ways to chat on the Internet too. It's scary and concerning: I have become dependent on emoticons (normally smiley faces depicting emotions or feelings) and those abbreviations. Making some expressions short by abbreviating is not helping my condition at all. Now when I need to say "by the way", I just hit BTW and the message is sent, or, if I want to send "hugs and kisses", a mere H&K will do. MSN Messenger, the chat service that I mostly use, has its own emoticons that come with this free software as soon as you download it. I just can't get enough of those in every single conversation - it's the end of an era. I may die and on my gravestone there will be a picture like this one:


In fact, I feel worse each day to an extent that I myself have started creating my own abbreviations. When I need to say "need a break because I am going pee" - I just type PTIME, it's so much faster and allows the LSD to realease its symptoms.

LSD - Lazyness Syndrome Disease is not curable as far as I am concern. It never gets any better. Actually, I have realized that taken some procedures can weaken its destructive power like: having black coffee, eating dark chocolate, and drinking up juices mixed with grinded Brazilian guaraná. After intaking those substances LSD reactions become less noticeable. Ah! I almost forgot an important fact, LSD seems to double its strength on Mondays. There are many mysteries related to this disease that are still under ongoing studies.

The Pawnshop will be a great sell...

WORDS I

WORDS ARE STROKES ON CANVAS
ARE NOTES IN MUSIC
ARE SHAPES IN OBJECTS
ARE BLOOD IN PEOPLE
WORDS CAN BE SHARP
AS SHARP AS RAZORS
CUT DEEPER THAN A FAST STAB
AND A STABBED SKIN IS A MIND FILLED WITH TRUE THOUGHTS
WRITTEN THOUGHTS RHIMING ON A CHEAP BAR NAPKIN
NAPKIN PLACED ON A DIRTY MAN'S LAP
WORDS CAN BE POWERFUL AND PAINFUL TOO
CAN HIT HARDER THAN A PUNCH
FISTED PUNCH OF DRUNK WANDERERS
WORDS CAN KILL
CAN MURDER LOVERS AT DAWN
CAN HURT AS BAD AS DEADLY SHOT GUNS
ALL BECAUSE OF THE EVIL THAT LIES IN EVERYONE
AND IT IS KEPT INSIDE
THAT EVIL THOUGHT WHICH CAN'T BE HIDDEN
CAN'T BE DISGUISED
WORDS CAN BE SPIT
CAN BE SAID AS IT WOULD WEIGH TONS
OFFEND THE SPINAL CHORD OF A PURE LISTENER
WORDS ARE MEANT TO DESTROY WHEN ONLY USED THAT WAY...

_____________________________________________________

W-O-R-D II

Words
Words that I like
Words that I hate
Words are my tools
Verses are my instruments
Poems are my sentiments
Expressed in verses and words
There are good words
There are useless verses;
Bad combination of good words
Some words are funny
Some are odd
Some are awkward
Some are not
Enjoy writing, saying, and
Making good use of them
They empower texts
They add to the context
Whatever may seem complex
Or just for a mere index
Take any word for instance
Any word, really!
Break it apart
Yeah! The word “fart”
Mess with it – you get “RAFT”
Add an extra “D” from “diarrhea”
Did you get what it is?
What is this all about…?
From fart to a soft breeze from the south
Words – word them all out.

The Pawnshop Project Continues...

Fine I

I am patient
But don’t push me.

Fine.
If that is the way you want it,
Here it comes

You’ll see it.

You’d better know how stupid you have been.
Your soul is soaked in lies and shallow expectations.
You say “Hello” – I don’t believe you

If anyone could unwrap you,
There would be nothing but dry veins.

I am patient
But don’t push me.

Your memo notes, bad hair, and food allergies…
They all hate me.
Your mouth is so full of teeth
And your finger toes… please, hide them.

I am patient
But don’t push me.

Your conversation becomes a drag…
My picture of you is a pile of puzzles,
Voices in the head,
and a desperation to be honest with your false truth.

You materialize all the creeps and odds of everyone’s life.

Ironically, it was important to have met you
You’ve fulfilled my need of inspiration when it comes to hatred poetry.

Fine.
Now, you don’t believe me.

I am still patient.
However you can no longer push me.

Grab a pen and a piece of paper because you might forget this:
“Stupid cow! Stupid cow!”
…Is that the reason you don’t eat meat then?
Fine.

-------------------------------------------------------

Fine II

You are a confounded nuisance
Stop pressuring me
Stop pestering me

You, candidate for the death row
You, prostrated body on sharp pointed nails
Conditional premise
Impossible hypothesis

Anyway
You’re crippled
Premature formed brain
Your sleazy appearance numbs my vision

However, you cannot scare me
You can’t dodge my thoughts
I am not dogmatic in matters of taste
But I won’t accept yours

Tempting
Talking me into it
Insinuations
No handcuffs are needed
Dead men tell no tales

I love my mind
And you should do the same for yourself

Can’t help if you don’t put up with my manners
Can’t help if life for you means struggling to cope with your bad mood

Poor you
Sad you
Endless Grief

Get a life
Get a grip
Get real

This is for you GABE...

When, by chance, I got to find the blog of this young man, I said to myself - this will be really worth to follow up. What made me even more interested in his blog was Gabe's authentic and simple form to work with words and its potential meanings. Here I am reproducing his first words that were published in this awesome blog: http://typinghurts.blogspot.com

the water in my glass

distorts the outside world

no matter how full it is

i see what i wish

nothing more

nothing less

Gabe, your poems and mainly short stories have made my days brighter and my personal problems lighter... Thank You...

"OUI" or "NON" ... ... ... ... ... who's majority?

You are undoubtedly pathetic if you answer "yes" to most of this queries:

1) Do you drive listening to loud music at the top volume even early in the morning, even getting to the surroundings of hospital, funeral homes, and residential areas?

2) Have you ever cheated on a test, was caught but blamed on someone else or said you were NOT doing it, instead you were actually lending your mate's eraser?

3) Have you ever stepped your toes on loads on the floor that pet's loser owners left on the streets and sidewalks aiming that someone else would pick those up for them (miracles can happen all the time, especially in Christian countries)? Have you ever been a victim of those public washrooms that do not offer toilet paper? Have you ever sold something and never get the money for? Have you ever been a victim of slanders? Have you ever felt invencible? Have you ever gone through any of these things and have never complaint, nearly realize the gravity of those situations???

4) If you smoke, do you throw cigarette butts through car windows? If you drink canned sodas, will you throw them through the windows too? If you have sexual intercourse in those vehicles, do you throw used condoms on the streets too?

5) Have you ever looked down on people because they:

• were handicapped,
• were disabled,
• had mental disorders,
• were not as wealthy as you,
• were Republican,
• had not the same skin color as you,
• seemed to speak with accent,
• or did not dress according to your morals and standards?

6) Do you disrespect those who are elderly or too young to understand that they're just too eager to be mature?

7) Do you dishonor all those who pray for all other Gods rather than yours, even though you know that these people's gods are many and these religious figures (so-called GODS) can be anything or anyone but the One you truly believe that exists. The one you feel it is out there somewhere to comfort you, to protect you, and has a name, and a book which tells fantastic stories about him?

8) Did you vote for Bush? Did you buy the latest Britney Spears album? Did you believe she was virgin after all? All that you knew about the world history is that there was a COLD WAR going on back then? Were you a leftist when you were in college? Did you do cocaine in the 70's? Did you wear shoulder pads in the 80's? Did you like TITANIC, BODY GUARD, and GREASE? Did you smoke POT for the very first time listening to Bob Marley? Did you think that I am here questioning yourself of all that because I had nothing else better to do???

9) Have you lost hope in humankind?

10) Do you think it is utterly cool to take advantage of everyone you know especially when they are: your friends, workmates, neighbors, gas station clerks, bosses, flirts, street vendors, soulmate, offsprings, relatives, clients, customers, tax payers/tax collectors, supermarket cashiers, tourists, believers, children, and those folks who make their living dressing up as Santa Claus every single Christmas???

Well, if you're answer was mostly "YES" , you are expected to seek professional help to allow you release a little of that pathetical being you have been keeping inside of you... And being honest with you... being a human naturally makes you a pathetic individual. So, go for it and struggle to be a worthwhile pathetic person.

DECEMBER 2002

I'm a crazy individual and everyone has already realized that. One way to prove my insanity is by checking this blog out. Go ahead! See it for yourself.

You may notice that I make use of this ciberspace in a very unique form. I post what I feel like. I publish song lyrics, pictures of my cat, even shitty poetry that I create myself. Nothing biggy, let's say! Oh, well... who cares if I am not following the correct procedures of a real blogger. What means to be a blogger anyway?

As far as I know, a blogger is a person who owns a blog... so the new question should be "what the hell is a blog then?" I've found a cute answer on a site that I unfortunately can not remember its URL: "well a blog, as i said, is a web log and its uses are limited only by your imagination. for instance, in its simplest form you might use a blog as an online diary that you update each day so that you share your "daily life" with others, or perhaps you could use a blog as an integral part of a website such as a "what's new?" page or indeed any other page that you need to update frequently. the possibilities of what you might use it for are endless."

By following that definition, I may as well try to use this spot of mine creatively or not, free from standards or generalizations... If you have already found bizarre stuff in here, so you have probably seen old posts that I publish some e-mails or letter that I once sent or I have ever received from distant friends or family members. On this post, I won't do differently. I will publish today an e-mail that I've sent to all my USA friends and acquaintances... It was fun to have encountered this short memory draft of a time that our real adult lives in Brazil had just started... Back in December 2002

" Hello Everyone back in the USA. Well, we've been away for quite some time without any word, so we figured it was long overdue to catch all of you up on a few things, as your e-mails have been rolling in something to the effect of: "it's been ages since the last e-mail, “what the hell is going on?!"... and so forth and so on... Here are some news...

Just wanted you to know we’ve been sequestering ourselves. It’s time to really work hard and there’s nothing else left to do. Except that we go out for dinner once in while. As we used to do back in the USA. Forgive us for not getting back in touch with all of you sooner.

Hope you're still there for us and haven't given up our friendship!

As I mentioned, we’ve been working really hard here with this incredible project. Our English school is getting known and our work has been compensated. Regarding my communications career, I’ve also done a lot of stuff, but unfortunately with not much headway, but lots of great ideas stored on CD-ROMs and such.

I am having a terrific time as being a teacher. My students are all special to me. Roberto and I have learned a lot about this kind of business and we can’t hide our complete satisfaction!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you all are missing us the same way we are missing you. I often dream of Saint Pete and Tampa streets and avenues. Luckily, we have our loved ones much closer, something that would never happen back in the USA. Besides, this crazy country would rather create enemies than anything else... Therefore I don’t want to go there now!

It really takes time to get used to our new place. Everything is so different from what we have seen. For instance, today is being one of the coldest day of the year. People are all dressed up in heavy coats and scarfs – It kinda looks awkward to me but it’s the weather thing. Here, it rains constantly and the green fields become even greener with so much moisture and glazes. The landscape is one of a kind view!!!!!!! I am not going to get started with the food... There are D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S Italian and German places in this area. You all must come and check them out. We will be waiting for your visit. This is an official invite.

The best of the best regards to you all
Love
Laila & Roberto"

calm water coming down in a lazy afternoon

I love when the day is rainy
I love when I get to run into people I care
I love when there is wine with every meal
I love when my song is played loud
I love when I don't feel fat
I love when my time isn't short, my hair falls straight, my mouth is kept shut, and my problems are none
I love when I get presents and when my friendships are true
I love giving out uplifting words
I love when my hatred is null
I love when my sex isn' t dull
I love when I write and when I write I say what I deeply relish to say
I love when I surprise
I love when I am understood
I love hate even though hate does not love me
I love the beauty of obvious chores
I love the color of goodness even when its color turns invisible
I love right thoughts
I'd have loved myself being lefthanded
I love laughing at myself
I love pets, cats most of all, and the way their fur feels when it's touched
I love dirty language, clean bathrooms, calm water, and cool steel
I love when a baby child smiles at me and also when these tinny little individuals hold my index finger grabbing it with all their five little ones.
I love cushions,foggy landscapes, butterflies in the stomach, popcorn, smell of brand-new books, bread with whipped butter, recovered files, arrival flights, mac&cheese, encyclopedias, scented candles, psycho-thrillers, laminated flashcards, fresh-brewed coffee, fireplace, Googone, barbecue sauce, brownie sundae, lazy afternoons, and so much more stuff that I could continue naming them here forever...
Not being loved that much helped me list things I love
Not being loved as much as I wanted reminded me of all the things that are loveable.... oops, I almost forgot...
I love being me too

The Pawnshop Project

After having this chat with a dear friend on msn, I felt like posting some of my own poems that are being saved in a file called THE PAWNSHOP, because it all started from an idea of having this sort of poetry book... These are some of them that I hadn't showed to anyone, or I only read or e-mailed to close friends...

________________________________________________

Metro-man

Façade
Façade
Façade

Perfect hair do
Whitened teeth
Hairless face
Nails manicured
Spotless shirt
Pressed pants
Shiny shoes
Fragrant individual

Facial skin deep cleaning
Worries about postures
Preoccupations with voice timbre
Articulated multi-lingual hand-picked vocabulary
Superficial slow motion uptight carrier pursuit

No inner-feelings
Heartless dates
Meaningless sex
Impeccable meeting presentations
Almost two Eye-brows
Self-help literature
MBA/CEO/MSN/NASDAQ
IBM/I-POD/business card
Corporate speak

Façade
Façade
Façade
Façade

Metro-man (American-Psycho)

____________________________________

What a Place

The world wasn’t reinvented
This place seems too wide to live in
…and just too small to dream of
Water, earth, fire, dirt, and blood
Poor human structures
Strong greedy perspectives
Natural born destroyers
Infected brains
Blocked noses
Dirty lungs
Rotten thoughts
Love human beings
Love being human
Wait!
Can’t say that.
How could I ever say that?

There is no room to everyone
There is no comfort in all places
There are no guarantees
Uncertainty there is.
Confused now?
What about purity?Sterling rhymes?
A big old nothing…
The world wasn’t reinvented
The senior planet in going to an end

We are sparkles of a second
A fraction of a snap
A sad consequence of a fruitless explosion
Randomly humans

Insane I’ll be getting
For not seeing reasons
Purposes
Explanations
Just confusions
No introductions
Forget conclusions
Only means
Only pain
Only in vain
Flavorful pity
Pity myself
Pity everyone else as well
A big old woolen ball

What a place!

_______________________________________

SYMBIOSIS


First of all
I’ve got to say sorry
For a I left the room

Secondly
I’d like to conclude
My last thought

We’re meant
To be connected
We’re meant to create
A fusion of aesthetics

Can’t say how
Can’t say when
Even if I could
It doesn’t really matter now
Because I can’t say it all alone

As in literature,
As in visual,
Or sound making process
The basis must be built
On hard soil
Structured with spotless walls

Independent, but co-related
Absurd and surreal,
Genial and marginal
Outrageous and magical
Post-modern after all

Clear, abstract
Nobel, symbiotic
Shocking and vicious
Serious and hilarious
Concrete and pernicious

Original and reinvented
Divine and demented

TRADITIONAL PARTIES CAN GET TOO IRRATIONAL

I never understood why there are jerks who travel all the way to Brazil to enjoy our CARNIVAL!!!

Carnival is a typical Brazilian thing when people are led to the streets to see out there parades, get wasted, and listen to live loud music performances. Everyone is supposed to dress up in costumes, put on masks if they will. They may wear wigs and even become androgenous figures if that suits them since the spirit of the party is to get out of control.

As I am not fond of these kinds of parties, when it gets to carnival season, I normally stay home having my hot herbal tea, sitting on my leather couch, glancing at the parades on TV filled with those naked tramps shaking their asses and showing their boobies hanging (I know someone who would strongly enjoy this.)

The fact that I don't like carnival and being a Brazilian citizen make me look weird among the folks down here. I don't really care about this in part because I am pretty much confident and also because I have got my personal reasons to dislike this so-called cultural event.

I remembered when I was first sent to a carnival ball (let me call that mess this way). My mom took me to this crowded place filled with so many idiots of all ages and races. Some of them seemed to be drunk, others seemed to suffer from epilepsy on their hips, and others looked like having cat allergy for rubbing their nose frenetically. To me, they were a bunch of imbecils dressed in funny clothes, dancing in circles as they were mice in a maze. That's how I saw them, taking into consideration that I was only 4 at that time.

My mom also got me a strange outfit which had a little kid's umbrella as an accessory. Besides looking just like the other idiots of that place, I had to carry that umbrella around wherever I went. That was a huge pain because I had trouble holding both the accessory and a cup of soda, and let me not forget, I was also carrying a munch that was bought from those suspicious club cafeterias. Mom had the wittiest idea, "hang your umbrella, sweety, onto this chair." Fine! The place was very stuffy, so the cold soda gave me a relief.

The music sounded insane. Those carnival marchs played by a poor-sounding orchestra started getting on my nerves. I was only 4, I insist, but I was old enough to distinguish between good musicians and crap asshole losers trying to make their living out of something it wasn't made for them. I was too young, too short, too embarassed to get in the mood for a hectic non-sense party: "what are these people so happy about?", I would ask myself that question many times.

I hadn't noticed that everything was going smoothly so far, until the moment my mom decided to push me to the crowd. She would say "Join them. Dance, honey. We are here to party, not to keep staring at them..." Gee, they were just like starving lions and I felt like a pound of fresh sirloin steak. I figured out:"nay-nay."I prayed so she wouldn't try again but then, a friend of mom grabbed me in the arm and dragged me to the crowd.

At the exact moment she did that, my hair got stuck in the wires of my little umbrella which was leaning against that empty chair mom had asked me to hang that stuff on, and not less ironically, the handle of the umbrella that had a hook-like shape embraced another chair. So picture that folks: a stupid middle-aged female human being had been pulling an innocent tot with non-well combed straight long hair stuck on a kid's umbrella hooked on those cheap plastic chairs for ten minutes going in circles in a crowd of hungry lions listening to horsecrap carnival music... yewf!

After that year, there were a few more intents to participate in such event, with some successful ventures I may say, but those were the years that I was reaching the youth times in my life. I had other purposes but being amused by freakos shaking their booties...

Curiosity fact - For those who may care, my scalp wound did not require any reconstruction surgery!

Why is that needed to be a secret???

While a student is taking his English test, I have decided to start my post on this cold damp Friday evening. Last Thursday was holiday in Brazil. It's a day when we remember a historical individual who was chopped off publicly by the Portuguese monarchy back in the 19Th century. His name was Tiradentes. He had envisioned Brazil as a free country, not a colony of Portugal. His ideas derivated from the French Revolution and they ignited a process that years later the entire country embraced.

Well, the holiday is officially over and I am back to teaching. I taught way too many classes for a day past holiday and touching the beginning of a weekend. At least, I am feeling a little less tired than I am usually in regular weeks. Having had Thursday off was a bless. Thanks Tiradentes for having been killed on an April 21st.

I seem to be dwelling and not getting to any point. What am I trying to reach with these words? Is my mind running on lameness today? I guess the answer is 'yes'. However, I haven't had those boring days lately. In fact, it's been the opposite of that. Let's take the Sunday before last as an example. That was a pretty intense day.

Maybe it wouldn't be a great idea to confess what it had happened to me then. Anyhow, I can say that I took the right decision not to argue over that. I took the right decision by not overreacting either. I took the wrong decision to let it happen. And that's all I can say. You may be questioning yourselves: "what is this chick talkin' about?" Well, this is where I was heading. I aim not give any more clues about this fateful event. I will leave it in the air because it was something too personal, too disastrous, too embarrassing, and not worthwhile sharing with everyone else on this spot of the web.

I may be acting in a contradictory standard now. If it is none of everyone else's business, why am I writing about it in here? The answer is quite simple. I have been having a lame day, with lame ideas, and lacking creativity in my words. Sorry readers! Forgive me up front! I will accept speculations about the event because that might spice up this post a bit. Perhaps, that's what I first intended with this entry. So... C'mon... Get started!

Mild Soap Opera

I am writing this entry sitting on the toilette of my bathroom. No, no, I do not own a laptop computer, and I don't even have those cute Apple notebooks. I just have this sweet writing pad in the shape of a binder wrapped with a green leather-like plastic that I bought at Office Depot(one of my favorite spots to shop when I used to live in the USA)in 2002.

I take this little green binder along wherever I go because being a writer, I understand that we never know when the greatest ideas may show up.

Right at this moment, I am forcing my brain to dump a load of words and make them look like cool sentences. I am not sure that I am getting there, however the silence and coldness of bathrooms can take me to distant realms and from there I can bring out fun topics, sometimes draw real characters with stinky features.

What had I never understood was the reason why there are people who don't consider writing as their main way to communicate. I have difficulties in expressing myself through spoken words. I don't enjoy much talking, especially after extra-busy weekdays (full-time classes and two tough translations). The words barely come out of my throat.

These days I have preferred to keep myself secluded in a bathroom, just like now, grabbing a pen and this magical green binder. Me, myself, and my intestinal contents, building blocks of ideas, or poems per se.

As I check out my surroundings, I see that in each corner of all rooms in my place, dust is being accumulated which I consider my errors. My faulty life being kept aside, never swept off, never squeegeed, and polluting my consciousness.

So, I have intended to clean up these spots today. Taking away my mistakes... They are now being washed with warm water and mild soap. Then I will bleach the stains so that they can be removed once and for all. My guilty feelings are going to come off like chewing gums stuck on jeans pants being rubbed by an ice cube.

Wipe it off, flush them down, and head to the computer (with washed and towel-dried hands!)

PS - No one has tried to touch my binder, I just wonder why!

DIMANCHE

Domingo - Sunday in my language: PORTUGUESE!!!

This has been the only day I can really relax and do nothing. Regardless, I hate Sundays though. That's the only day I can go out and have fun sometimes, but like in any other Christian country, every store and even restaurants close on this damn day. How can I like Sunday if that's the day that the entire world wants to stay home, meet their relatives and watch stupid TV???

I don't have anything against my relatives. But, let's face it, RELATIVES can be a real pain in the neck occasionally because you don't get to choose them. They come in a kit, in a surprise box - you are born and all of a sudden you encounter cousins, uncles, aunts, even brothers and sisters!!! Lucky me I am the oldest, so when I was born there were no weirdos in my bedroom, old strange folks telling me what to do and how to act... yew!!! HEHEHEHE!!!

Well, the point is that on Sundays we are to meet them. Most of everybody is expected at their in-laws' places to have lunch, sometimes even to go to church, or to attend those one-year birthday parties - DAMN!!! Why do those wealth rich moms set up those expensive and fancy parties to kids who can barely pronounce their names...??? They are not even sure whether they are humans or just pets. Well, well, well, strange human beings.

Here I am on a Sunday afternoon, sipping wine, listening to downloaded indie rock bands, correcting my students' posts for their blog (readers, check their writings there too: http://pinkandbluefreedom.blogspot.com/). I truly enjoyed this week's topic and I think they did too.

SUNDAY!!! DIMANCHE!!! DOMINGO!!! SONNTAG!!! No relatives around to visit. No cool TV shows to watch. Just a plain afternoon with a chilling atmosphere... wow! That's what I like it, although I HATE Sundays!!!

Laila loves Mondays, hates Sundays and thinks Saturdays are TOO DAMN short...

In the mood for red and true friendship

Hope everybody's fine. Don't even know if I have regular readers, anyway. I must start from somewhere, mustn't I?

My template had always had that solid black background. I kinda got tired of it and so it was an easy and quick decision to turn all out RED. "What a bloody colour"! - My british friends would say. Today I feel like talking about friendship, kindness, and things that help us, human beings, have some softer one-on-one socializing experiences.

As being a teacher, I have to deal with kid and adult students at all times. I try to place a sincere smile on my face while teaching or just conversing with them. I may not be in a great mood every day, however I don't think it's fair to them to show disrespect or look down on their failures and difficulties when they appear. That would be a way too easy job.

On the other hand, there is every now and then a chance of encoutering folks that are not that kind to me. Students that act a little stuck up, boring faces, and showing a fake smile typical from a two-faced person. The reasons are unknown and I, particularly, don't want to know them at all. What's to worry if there are other folks that fulfill in me the emptiness that distant friends left in my bloody heart.

The friends/students I am talking about are Vinícius and Katiane. These kids are just fun intelligent young buddies. I nowadays teach them only once a week, which is a pity, because I'd rather see them more times throughout the week. They respect me as a teacher and I care for them as friends. They are great and very understanding. This post is for them.

Hope you two read this text and enjoy it as much as I did writing it. What I say here is very true. I am darn happy to be teaching folks just like you guys are. Please, continue being these good people and filled with so good manners as you both have been. Besides, both are curious learners who care about getting the right information and really wish to be talking and understanding English perfectly. What else could I ask???

CURIOSITY FACT:
After the photo shoots, Vini had gotten strong cat allergy which promoted watery and itchy eyes. Promptly, we provided him eyedrops to make his eyes more clear. The red in the template background was to remind you about that too... hehehehe! SORRY DUDE [;)]

In honor to my occupation

Wow! How long has it been that I don't have a quiet second to myself? I might sound lame because I have worked, worked, and worked.

What else is new to my life? Dunno. Maybe the fact that I am about to walk on my own path using my own efforts, and most of all I will be soon choosing my own directions???

The thing is that financially I am doing much better off these days, and mostly all my worries will be soon away. Apparently, there is nothing to worry about and simultenously eveything is all about worries.

Since now we have gotten an excellent number of students in my school, now I must be more than careful in how to maintain them happy and in constant growing learning process.

How to achieve that? By being frequently aware and non-stoppingly curious so that I must be asking them all about their needs, disappointments, and satisfactions regarding our school and methodologies.

I am happy with my profession and I just wonder who couldn't be fulfilled by working with young people, fun folks who are still so filled with dreams, loveable stories, hopefulness, and touching smiles???

Love being a teacher and forever I will always feel complete because of my students.

I'M A BLACK HOLE

It’s been nothing else, but fear

Is there still some hope?

Is there any possibility of changes…

My heart, aching and my back, bouncing…

Scattered memories hold my fingers

A dark cloud with no silver lining

Pores, scars, dirt

Worm, veins, and rotten feelings

I’m a black hole

Filled with pus

I’m a cancer, a brain tumor

No words to describe

What and how worse can this get?

Focus on duty

Locus is nowhere

That’s a way to get over this.

Will I ever be free again?

Will I ever be me?

Pieces of My Unconsciousness

CAREFULLY COOL DOWN THE GUTS
POSSESSIVES NOUNS VERBS
COMMUNICATIVE TALKATIVE EASYGOING
NEVERTHLESS WHATSOEVER
PLAYGROUND BLOOD STREAM CARETAKER LOVELY
SENSITIVENESS HEADLIGHTS CORTESY
HOMEFUL HANDFUL
ANTHENNAS SATELLITES ROUTERS
EARTHWORMS CANDIDATES BOTTLED SUCCESS
TRUFFLES BITTERNESS FRUITLESS
CURVES BRAINCELLS NUMBNESS
CONTRARY ANALYSIS DIVINITY PINK SKY
SHADOWS NIGHTMARES DARKNESS GUTURAL
SANITARY FORCING TEMPTING SPINAL CHORD
MORTGAGE STUDENTS' LOAN PRAXIS END

How to show that you love what you do!!!

Hey there!
I haven't posted anything new for a long long time. As I said in my last post, my days are shorter and my spare time inexistente. So, it is getting harder and harder to update my blog. Although, I do not use it to register my daily routines or to overshow my personal things. This spot wasn't intended to be about ME, it's dedicated to things I like or even love!
Today, I have found the need to talk about my profession itself. Especially, I have been teaching great folks who boost my energy towards compentence and great reasonigns. My students are my powerful "pills" to keep my mood up. They are too special to me and to our school. They are assorted - different ages and backgrounds- but they have something in common: they all love English and love being taught by us (pbf teachers).
This January, I had gone through an exquisite experience. Something that I had never imagined it would happen to me. In a calm afternoon, someone calls me. It was one of my students' grandmother. Well, maybe she needed a translation to be done. In fact, what she wanted was greater than that. She called me to ask if I could anticipate this year's class start. And I asked why??? The answer surprised me the most.
Her granddaughter (MARIANA) and her granddaugther's friend (MARCELE) couldn't wait any longer to get started at their English course. They were more than ready to be here in our school learning and enhancing their language skills. I couldn't think twice - I announced to both parents that English classes could start even prior regular school schedules.
Down below you can see them. My sweetest young students who always do their homework, who always struggle to get the best grades, who are doing their best they can to become great English speakers, and who are everyday doing their best to overcome all learning difficulties.

I love you two - MARIANA and MARCELE

WELCOME TIBBY TO OUR HOME!!!!

THIS IS TIBBY FARINELLI

This is Tibby! She was born two months ago and now lives with us.
I hope our friendship works fine, even though I've notice in me clear evidence of strong cat allergy. I am typing this with runny nose, puffy eyes and itchy hands.... Oh L-o-r-d!!!

PS: That picture above is one of her latests. She's today "one year and a half old."

Back to full-time work...

I certainly miscalculated my schedule today. I started an email to a friend saying exactly that. These days I feel needed to write an introspective kind of post. It has been a while I don't put words together in order to speak my mind. Today is probably the right time.

After meeting a new friend through the web, we have known each other for almost six months now, I figured that it is possible to construct a deep friendship by this cold medium. However, things can get a bit disturbed when mixed up feelings show up. My point is, I do consider this person a truly friend of mine although "internet" relationship seems too unreal.

Let me be more clear. I am an open-minded person, oh well, at least I try to be, and that estimulates in me to be a good listener. I listen, listen, and listen. Most of my online friends are books that I can read, scan, upload on the web, and print them out to read them all over again. I don't really mind about this. In fact, that inspires me to come up with characters when it comes to my fiction writings. Then you might think, "Man, she's exposing them in her texts!" I would say "no" to that. Normally, artists do not even use their real names on the cover of their books sometimes...

I wouldn't ever expose anyone. I wouldn't ever look down on anyone. I wouldn't ever judge any individual by his/her own words. Those are simple words. Above all, some stories may not even be true.

However, I consider myself a bit lucky to have encountered intense people, with lifestyles that are absolutly different from mine. That's actually amazing and fullfilling to me. Then, I am writing all this "shitty" post to let them know, if by any chance they end up reading it, that I care for them as I care for everybody who respects HUMAN NATURE.

Being back to the ground reality, I will soon be found overwhelmed and under stress because of all classes which will start this Monday. I will be hopefully blogging once a week. I don't truly believe that I have any frequent reader, however I must apologize for any possible delay.

If you're reading this post not knowing who I am, not having a dust of idea of what I do for a living, you may learn that I teach English to Brazilian kids and adults too. My husband and I own a language school (pbf) that it is located in one of the major cities of the south of Brazil. This place is called Caxias do Sul and the school is known as PBF - an acronym that means PINK AND BLUE and FREEDOM.

A new season has just started for schools, colleges, and universities in Brazil. Our students will be back to their classes in the morning, afternoon, evening... Tests, exercises, compositions, fun acitivities will be in my mind throughout the semester. Lucky me if I don't get sick. Lucky me if my new students are just great individuals as they all have been. I say a prayer for good times and not so hot days like the last few months. Drought and dry weather are emptying the local rivers and lakes of this region. I just feel sorry for the vinyards which cover the hills of this place so-called SERRAS GAÚCHAS!!!

Well, I deliberately escaped from the topic I first started writing about. Honestly, I didn't want to say much of it, just wanted to be straight to my point. That is normally hard to me, anyway. I know. Please, it's not that difficult to forgive me, coz I am this type of person who spends half of his/her precious time in a certain place known as the TWILIGHT ZONE - my friend, d'you know what I am talking about???

FRIENDS from all these parts of this planet: JAPAN (Yayoi, Yuitichiro, Naomi), MOROCCO (Nadia, Zak, Naima), USA (Melissa, Candy), FRANCE (Marceau, Alex, Guillaume), VENEZUELA (Luiza, Afonso), KOREA (Joon, Yup, Sanghee Lee),Taiwan (Shuping), THAILAND (Toyota, Joon), SWITZERLAND (Rolland, Cédric), MEXICO (Margarito, Fernando), HOLLAND (Hans), SAUDI ARABIA (Ahmed, Nasser, Faissal), URUGUAY (Ariel), ECUADOR (Eddy), PANAMA (Porfírio, Gallo), BOSNIA (Amir), BULGARIA (Antonia), CROATIA (Davor), RUSSIA (Regina), BARBADOS (Andrew), PHILIPPINES (Ben), VIETNAN (Phong), INDIA (Apuh), SPAIN (Javier, Manuel), CÓTE D'IVOIRE (Jean), SOUTH AFRICA (Jennifer), ARGENTINA (Marina), and BRAZIL (Wow, so many...) ->

You all had better know that I dearly care for all of you so much from the deep inside of my soul... And, don't take me too seriously when I cross the line or when I seem not to have enough patience with you. I do want and enjoy listening to your words of experience. I will definetely continue being all ears, just not as often as I used to during the last two months...

LOTSA LUV and WISH THE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL

Poetry by Pessoa

Meantime
by FERNANDO PESSOA

Far away, far away,
Far away from here...
There is no worry after joy
Or away from fear
Far away from here.
Her lips were not very red,
Not her hair quite gold.
Her hands played with rings.
She did not let me hold
Her hands playing with gold.
She is something past,
Far away from pain.
Joy can touch her not, nor hope
Enter her domain,
Neither love in vain.
Perhaps at some day beyond
Shadows and light
She will think of me and make
All me a delight All away from sight.